Planning to Plan

I posted a status yesterday on my facebook that said... "I am a planner - I like it when I have a plan - don't like it when I'm caught off guard and don't know what to do - so I'm planning on making some plans!"  ;-)

I'm going to spend some time this weekend putting two plans into action:

1. I'm going to learn more about charting my body temperature to better indicate when I ovulate.  I have a girlfriend who has done this and let me borrow a book of hers to help me learn about it.  Toward this end, I bought a basal body temp thermometer today, and I plan to take my first temp in the morning tomorrow.

I'm kinda excited about this!  Not because I think Michael and I are going to have a hard time getting prego this time around; I think we'll be okay.  However, this will let me know with more certainty two things... A. that I really am ovulating and B. the exact time sperm may meet egg and the miracle begins.  To me, that's kinda exciting. 

I love dreaming of God forming a beautiful new life inside me. I love looking on babycenter to see the progress of the baby from moment of conception to implantation and so on... this charting thing will help me to better grasp that timeline - and pray for the baby along the way.

I know some of you are probably laughing and me or shaking your head at me with concern or just disbelief... All I have to say is, I have OCD.  I'm sure of it.  So, just, love me anyway.  Please!? ;-) I have a need to control things... well, as much as one can have control over something like this.  It'll feel good... especially after a miscarriage in which I had absolutely no control or knowledge concerning anything my body was doing at that point...   Anyway, next plan...

2. My daughter - 3.5 year old Beth Grace - well, her behavior has been... less than desirable lately.  I could tell you stories... Let's just say, yesterday, she threw her shoes at her teacher because she didn't want to wear them and then spit in another teacher's face.  Yes, that's my child.  She can be ever so sweet - she looks like an angel (see below pic) - but there is a little devil inside that at times rears its ugly head.

As a result, plan number two will be to purchase and implement... Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days

Anyway, it guarantees that if I follow the author's suggestions, Beth will be the better for it.  So, I'm willing to bite!  That's how I got her potty trained.  I came across this link about a 3 day potty training boot camp - do it and your child will be potty trained in 3 days!  I thought, sure, whatever... but, the author guaranteed it would work if I strictly followed her rules.  So, I bought it!  And in 3 days, she was potty trained. :-)  I highly recommend it!

Well, do you see what I mean?  I'm a planner!  I gotta have a vision and a plan to implement it, or I feel lost. 
So, here's to making plans!

One Lovely Blog Award!

Thank you to Kristie and  Melissa for awarding my blog the One Lovely Blog Award!  This makes me smile - and I needed a smile right now, so mucho gracias!   :-)

Everyone should click on their names and visit those beautiful blogs - these women are a blessing to everyone, but specifically to the pregnancy and infant loss community.

Here's how the One Lovely Blog Award works...

1. Accept the award.  Post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.
2. Pay it forward to 10 other bloggers that you have newly discovered.
3. Contact those blog owners and let them know they have been chosen.

Here is the lovely award!!!

These are my top 10 blogs - These deserve more recognition than I can give!

1. Not Super, Just Mom Funny and Real! A MUST read!
2. Matters of a Mommy's Heart This is a sweet friend of mine, and a great mom! An inspiration!
3. Too Beautiful For Earth For those of us who've had early miscarriage(s), she is a must read! A blessing!
4. Grow Baby Grow This is a sweet lady who shares her pain openly and tells it like it is! Love her!
5. Holding On To The Bright Spots  I met this lady on babycenter.com.  She's always so positive and upbeat -Thank you girlie!
6. Peace of My Heart This is a beautiful blog put together by a beautiful woman!  Please visit!!
7. Loving Audrey This is a beautiful blog by a lady who does wonderful things for the pregnancy/infant loss community.  Thanks girl!
8. Our Precious Brady I love this blog for it's deep and profound musings - It's a great read! Makes me smile :-)
9. Life, Love & Persuit of our Fairytale  This lady and I are in a similar TTC place right now.  I can so relate to much of what she says - take a visit!
10. Audrey's Little Light - cause these candles are just too cute!

Watch Out! I need to vent, or cry, probably both...

TMI warning! Turn back now!!

I started my period today, and I want to cry.  Why?  Because that means no June baby like what I was hoping and praying for.  And because it makes me worry if there is something wrong with me - cause we tried to conceive this past month ya'll, we tried - but it's probably just my timing off...  However, it still makes me want to worry.

This means no father's day present for Michael... more time waiting to tell Beth she's going to be a big sis... I'm just... ugh! SAD!  I want to be pregnant; I want to get fat; I want to be naseous... I can't believe I'm typing all this...

Then I think, "Hey, this is your first month trying!  Give yourself a break!  Not many conceive on the first try! You're body is still getting back to normal!"  *sigh*  I know all that, but it doesn't make me feel any better.  I really wanted a BFP this next weekend.

Hubby's not to sad about it - for obvious reasons ;-) - you can bet when this period is over we'll... well, you know.  He's trusting in God.  I should be too, and I do... I do...

I just can't help feeling sad, so I will go home and eat a lot of Ben and Jerry's ice cream tonight - because that's tradition when I'm on my period.  And I'll plot and plan our next TTC run. And the waiting game begins again - again.

Haven't I said before that I hate waiting?

There's more I could vent about... like how my job and I are having a love/hate relationship right now... like about how I'm on the verge of giving up the speech team... like how I want more time for my house, my girl, my husband, my church, my family, my friends...

But we'll save that for another blog entry, and another pint of Ben and Jerry's.
 

Reconnecting with Beth

So today the only real plans I had involved my daughter - 3 year old Beth Grace. See, I've spent all week of my break off from school grading essays - the curse of the English teacher - and so today I wanted time with my girl! Because tomorrow I have to be at a speech and debate competition all day - the curse of the speech team coach. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching English and I love coaching speech - they just come with two major downsides: essays and Saturdays spent in high school cafeterias. ((sigh)) Somethings going to have to give, just don't know what yet...

Anyway, I wanted time with my daughter today! So, we went to Wills Park - check out that link cause it has the coolest castlelike playground. :-)))  A girlfriend of mine, and fellow blogger, Miranda, came and spent the day with us...

Click on this picture and it will take you to the coolest mommy blog ever - and I'm not just saying that because she's my friend either!  It's TRUE!  Try it!!



Seeing her play with Joshua just made me hope all the more that I'm prego and will get a BFP (big fat positive) in October - This girl needs a younger brother or sister; she's got mini-mom written all over her!

I had a great time with my girl! We all ate lunch together, and then Beth and I went to some yardsales - we LOVE yardsales.  Beth especially loves yard sales because people just give her stuff.  Something about the blond hair and blue eyes makes people go, "Oh!  I've got something she'd love; she can just have it and take it home!"  hehe  Another reason we love yardsales is because we can find awesome things like this dress...

Her favorite thing in the world to do is dress up!  So SCORE another one for yardsales!

I need more days like this with my girl - more hours - more minutes at least. 

Miranda mentioned this thing called attachment parenting - I'm reading on that now - but one of the things she talked about that they suggest is reconnect time when you come home from work at the end of the day.  At least 15 - 30 mins of just you and whatever THEY want to do time.  I'm going to try to do this more.  I'm REALLY BAD about getting home and just wanting to have sit on the couch with computer time or... time to start cooking dinner... or gotta clean up this or that room time... 

Anyway, all that said to say, my priorites are really screwed up lately.  I wasn't ever really discontented with my life until after the miscarriage.  Now work irritates me - a little, not a lot - and speech team work irritates me - not a lot, but enough. I want more time in the day with my girl and for another baby.  Just need to pray more about how to make that happen...

While I'm figuring that out though, this concept of reconnect time will be a good start!  So when she wakes up from her nap, we're gonna play barbies - we found some at a yardsale ;-) - and watch some DVD... Charlotte's Web and Kung Fu Panda - we found those at the yardsale too :-)))

Sharing Time

There are some things - four things - I've been wanting to post here - for two reasons really...

1. the purpose of this blog is "to remember everything, everyone, and every day the Lord gives me" ;-) and I want to remember these...
2. and perhaps some one else can benefit from these...

The first of "these" :-) I found today.  It's the 6th Annual Walk to Remember in Atlanta.  We're going to make plans to be there.  Perhaps you could join us?

The second of these is that on October 16th at Milton Park in Alpharetta, 6pm, there will be a candle lighting at the 3rd annual Rainbow of Roses Remembrance Celebration for pregnancy and infant loss.  It's mentioned here in this the above link.

I'm kinda excited about both of those.  For anyone who isn't aware, October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month and October 15th is the day to light a candle for the one(s) you've lost at 7pm your time.  I have a link to that information on the right hand side of my blog.  It gives me something to actually do for the baby we lost and to share with my husband and other friends who have experienced losses - or even to share with those who just want to support women who've been through a loss.  If you know me or are in this area, I would love to have you join me at these events!

The third and fourth things I'll post next together.  The first is a BEAUTIFUL song about miscarriage - just BEAUTIFUL - and the last is a picture of the baby we lost in August. I haven't shared this with anyone yet - it is VERY precious to me - but I think now is the time.  I feel you can see the profile of the baby well in this one, the head, the body.  What could have been.

In remembrance of our Angel Baby...

C.S. Lewis and grief

As I go through this online bible study using the book Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy - if you've experienced a loss of a child through miscarriage or shortly thereafter, you NEED this book (it's one of the few books that has really given me comfort and helped me deal) - anyway, as I go through this book, it quotes a lot from C.S. Lewis.  And then yesterday, someone also posted a quote by him in response to one of my blog entries.

I can understand why.  If you don't know anything about the later years of C.S. Lewis' life, you need to watch the movie Shadowlands. Here's a snopsis of the movie I took off a webpage... "The story follows Lewis as he meets an American fan, Joy Gresham, whom he befriends and eventually marries. The story also deals with his struggle with personal pain and grief: Lewis preaches that one should endure suffering with patience, but finds that the simple answers he had preached no longer apply when Joy becomes afflicted with cancer and eventually dies."

C.S. Lewis knows grief.  And so we get such profound quotes from him like the following...

"I live each day thinking about living each day in grief"  - at first, after a loss, that is how life feels

"When I lay these questions before God I get no answer.  But a rather special sort of 'no answer'.  It is not the locked door.  It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze.  As though He shook His head not in refusal but in waiving the question.  Like, 'Peace, Child; you don't understand."      

I like this quote because after a loss you quickly realize, this is really all you're ever going to get from God in response to the "why" question.

Then this is the one that a fellow blogger posted... She's currently reading, Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman (a woman who, if you know her story, also understands grief) and she quotes C.S. Lewis:

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

That quote really embodies where I am right now.  Having TTCd like crazy the previous week, I'm hoping for a BFP in October.  TTC = trying to conceive and BFP = big fat positive  Sorry for all the abreviations; the babycenter message boards have done it to me ;-)

Anyway, I don't doubt God's best for me in my life, but I want this baby.  And so, I don't want another loss to be what's best for me right now.

Does that make sense?

Well, I just love these quotes from C.S. Lewis, so I'll end with this final one I found online...

"Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more. Only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

So, deal or no deal?  I choose... deal. :-)

My Dove

I found this blog, Heaven's Doves,  put together by a sweet lady named Jessica. If you put her blog button on your page - check it out on the right hand side of my page- she'll send you a pic of this dove with your dearly departed baby's information on it. You can customize it when you sign up for it.

 I love it!

TTC

So, I know I've written before that we were going to wait to try to conceive (TTC) again... but... well... it was just too much for me! Knowing that I was fertile last week, well, made me... want to try!

Now that my supposed fertile week has passed, I find myself wondering... what's going on in my body, if anything? am I eating well enough? getting enough rest?

If I do conceive this week, I'll know October 2nd. That's when I plan on taking the test. That's when AF (aunt flow ;-) is supposed to show up. I'm hoping it doesn't.

I want to be pregnant again. Pregnancy wasn't kind to me with Beth, it wasn't looking as if was going to be good again with my Angel Baby, but that's okay... really... bring on the morning sickness! Bring on the fatigue and the fat!

Then my mind turns to if I do conceive, how long will this pregnancy last? Will this pregnancy last?

Something in me tells me, yes. However, then I remember scripture... His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts...

Just because I believe this couldn't/shouldn't happen again, well... that doesn't mean JACK!

*sigh* I do this to myself... Why do I do this to myself?! I just need to trust that whatever happens, happens. God is in control. What is most important to Him in the world is for the best - I really do want His will! I've lived before my own life, my own way. It doesnt' work! I really do want His will in my life...

but then I also really want this baby...

I'm funny!

Last night was the second meeting of the miscarriage bible study I've joined. Can I say, I already love each of these women sooo much! We haven't even really gotten into the study yet, and I'm thinking, "When can we get together?!" We could choose a place in the middle of the great United States of America and just meet some time next year! I think that would be awesome!

Anyway, we had a great moment last night that I just need to blog about - one I don't want to forget (me not) :-)

We were looking at that portion of the old testament where David loses the son he had with Bathsheba...

2 Samuel 12:15 After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

18 On the seventh day the child died. David's servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, "While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate."

19 David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked.
"Yes," they replied, "he is dead."

20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

Well, the servants are a bit perplexed at this and ask him why he's acting this way - after all, his son just died!? But David doesn't seem to see a problem with this saying...

22 He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."

Many see this verse and say, "See, yes you've experienced a terrible loss, but you just need to move on now."

May I give you a word of advice... DON'T EVER TELL THAT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED A MISCARRIAGE OR EARLY INFANT LOSS! Don't use scripture to tell me how to grieve!

However, some do, and they use the above to highlight how we (who have experienced such a loss) should act after that loss. In fact, some women really struggle with this scripture.

But - here's the funny part - while we were discussing this last night, I felt God lay an interpretation of this verse on my heart...

I think God put this in the Bible to show us how differently men and women react to a miscarriage/early infant loss. Because, this is totally a man's response! It's a ... "Okay, yeah, really sad thing happened to us... what next?" That's a man!

After I suggested that, the women in the bible study were shouting AMEN and we had a lot of LOL for a few minutes - they were totally feeling what I meant! Anyway, all that typed to say, I really think that God is showing us here how differently men and women grieve. We are different; it's okay. Let him be, and he should let you be. And when you need each other, then be together.

Michael and I have both had our separate grieving moments and our together ones. Understandably, I cried more - I'm a woman after all - can you say HoRmOnEs!!! And just when I think he's moved on, so to speak, he'll say something that shows me he still thinks of our lost baby. I love him!

Well, I just had to share that ROTFLOL moment. ;-) I keep telling my high school students that I'm sooo funny; they just don't believe me!

I think I missed my calling in life... Anita Renfroe, watch out!

All the way my Savior leads me!

I've been wanting to post the lyrics to this song for awhile now - I find myself singing this song in my car and thinking of the miscarriage often.  These words speak to my heart now...

Chris Tomlin's All the way my savior leads me

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me
All the way my Savior leads me

I love my blog!

Today, I am spending some time playing around with my blog.  It's taken some time, but I now have a new header and button.

I'm so excited... it's the small things in life that make me happy :-)  Yes, I am easily amused. LOL

Thank you, Lord, for a great day!

Today was... well, it was great!  I will now list the order in which the great things happened to me today...  I guess you could call this a count your blessings post.

1. I had a great quite time with my Lord!  So far, that miscarriage bible study is awesome! I'm loving the book.

2. Beth was not crabby this morning, and I actually had a few "I'm such a smart Mommy" moments.  For example, to avoid the "I don't want to eat the cookie crisp cereal for breakfast!" fit - because she always wants to fight about what she eats in the morning, I hid a few skittles in the cookie crisp and encouraged her to go searching for them.  She loved it! And no fight!

3. Ms. Tiffany was able to go be Beth's special friend at the Grandparents Day/Special Friends day event at her daycare.  Nonna and Poppa couldn't make it this year, and I just can't stand for her not to have someone there on these special days things, so it was a huge blessing that Tiffany could do this!!! God rocks!

4. School was productive and got some grades in the gradebook!

5. I got my facebook account back!  Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And I've changed my password to something unbreakable! ;-)  Bye bye hackers!

6. I made my awesome pork chops tonight, and now I'm eating Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream!

Does life get any better than this?!  I have a sense of excitement running through me!  And tomorrow is Wednesday night church :-)))  Life is good!

miscarriage bible study - meeting #1

Wow... what an amazing group of women I just met.  Women desiring to be closer to our savior.  Women wanting answers, needing peace.  I already love each and every one of them!

Tonight was the first meeting of the miscarriage bible study I joined.  A lady named Amy - you can read her story here http://www.lightofgabriel.org/ - leads the meeting.  We are using the book Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy - and I'm going to start on it tonight. 

This evening, we just shared our stories.  My voice shook as I shared mine, as I remembered the joy when we found out we were pregnant... the fear on my birthday when we found out something was wrong... the horror the day my baby passed from me... 

I shared that I'm hoping this bible study will lead me closer to my Jesus, closer to understanding why, closer to knowing when/if we should try again... I just want Him to speak to me, and my prayer is Jesus shows up in a mighty way for all these women who shared their stories tonight.

There are so many grieving out there!  So many suffering from this pain of losing a child to miscarriage or to an early death after birth.  I really think God may call me to share/lead this study within my own church.  I'm hoping He'll confirm that to me if this is the case.

Anyway, I've cried tonight, and I'm sure I will now every Sunday evening as we grieve and share our losses.  It's a good thing.  We're changed, forever... We need now to find a new "normal".  One that I'm praying for all of us involved in this study will make us stronger - for Him - for those around us - one that will honor those babies that we've lost.

When you say your prayers, say a prayer for our group.  Thank you! 

Hacked

I've been hacked :-(

I tried to log onto facebook, and it said I was using an old password.  What?!  It said the password had been changed today at 1:30pm.  What?!?!  I was at work!

So, I requested that my password be reset.  Fine, but that new password has to then be sent to my e-mail address.  And when I tried to log onto my e-mail, I found my password for my e-mail didn't work either!!!  I had been hacked there too!!!!!  @#!@$!#@$#%

So because I can't get into my e-mail, I can't get into my facebook. :-(  My facebook, where I keep up to date with my family up north... my facebook, where I share all my pictures and videos of Beth so the relatives can see her growing up... my facebook, where I veg out for an hour or so just relaxing from the day.

((sigh)) Well, I've contacted hotmail and facebook, and it'll take 24 hours, at least, to verify I am who I say I am.  After that, they'll give me new passwords for each account - then I can go in and see the damage caused by whoever has been in there. 

Not what I needed right now.  Not when I'm so tired I FEEL hacked - to pieces.  Why can't I get my physical energy back!? 

At least my hubby has been GREAT through EVERYTHING!  He just spent close to 2 hours changing all our passwords on sensitive accounts and removing that e-mail address from important accounts.  He's a good husband!

And I'll be leaving that good husband and my daughter Friday night and most of Saturday to take kids to debate and speech competitions...  Again, my accounts have been hacked and I feel hacked... hacked into pieces torn into different directions!  I LOVE speech and debate! I don't know where I'd be today if I hadn't been involved in that program when I was in high school - I don't think I would have EVER had the confidence to be a teacher, that's for sure.  And so because I love that program, I put a lot into it!  Too much?  That is the question... 

Because I feel so hacked right now, I don't know if I'm doing anything right at the moment... teaching, coaching, being a wife, a mother, a friend...

I need to pray...
Oh, Lord?! I have no idea what I need right now, but you do.  Please, send it quickly and help me to realize what you send me when you send it.   Amen.

Why?

Today, I'm realizing that the question "why?" doesn't really matter.   I ask that question often, "Why, Lord? Why take OUR baby?"  And, Oh Boy!, that question can take you to some CrAzY places!  You can blame yourself for something you did (exercise) or ate (bad lunch meat); you can blame bad chromosomes or old eggs; you can blame it on yourself (I must have done something deserving punishment)... the list goes on and on...

However, today in Sunday School we started this new series of lessons based on the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  And today, we were encouraged to just consider God - consider how AWESOME and BIG God is!  We were challenged to just consider how much that "being" loves us - enough to become a man in the form of His own son and DIE a HORRIBLE death on a cross - in hopes of helping us, sinful fallen man, understand how much He, our creator, cares for us!  WHOA!! Blow my mind!  I'm gonna link a video clip from the series below...  Please watch!

Anyway, I realized in all that... the why? question... Well, there is an answer.  Actually, one or many answers to that question that I'll never know for certain while down here on this earth.  And, that's okay!  Cause my God is in control...

Isaiah 6:1 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory."

What a picture!  See it!?  He is SEATED on His throne.  Everytime anyone see's God in Heaven in the Bible, He is SEATED.  As if to say, "I got this!  Don't worry!  I'm in control even amid all the freewill and chaos that is in the world - I got this!  I'm capable!  I am who I AM!"

And today, I love that!  Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure to walk down the "why?" lane again and again through life.  But my God will walk with me, and He will say... "I got this!  Don't worry!"

Thank you Jesus!

Crazy Love - Stop and Think VIDEO

decisions decisions

An exciting thing happened today!  I started my period!!  Okay, for some, this is TMI - sorry!  However, I've never been so happy to see my period!!! It's a sign that my body is okay, that it's getting back to the business of being fertile.

Also, I now have the "date of the first day of my menstural period."  This means I can start planning because... yeah... that's what I do.  I can't stop planning things.  So... first thing I did when I saw good ol' flow was go to babycenter.com to get my fertile dates and this is what came up...

Ovulation Calculator


Based on your answers, you're likely to be most fertile from Monday, September 13, 2010 to Saturday, September 18, 2010. If you were to get pregnant during that time, your due date would be Thursday, June 9, 2011.

Here are the days you're most likely to be fertile over the next five months -- as well as prospective due dates if you conceive. Good luck!

Fertile days Resulting due date

October 11, 2010 - October 16, 2010 July 7, 2011
November 8, 2010 - November 13, 2010 August 4, 2011
December 6, 2010 - December 11, 2010 September 1, 2011
January 3, 2011 - January 8, 2011 September 29, 2011
January 31, 2011 - February 5, 2011 October 27, 2011
February 28, 2011 - March 5, 2011 November 24, 2011

Now... the teacher in me wants to plan this just right...  However, that's what I tried to do with the baby we just lost... we timed it perfectly, I thought!  Angel baby was due in March.... PERFECT!  I would have been out of school from March - July!  Everything about that baby was perfect... I miss you Angel Baby!

So now, look at those above dates.  What do I chose?!  If we start right away, I could have a baby in June or July - teacher me says - not so good.  I would still plan on being out 12 weeks with the baby, so that means I wouldn't come back to school in August.  Not start school in August?! I don't think I like that...

A September due date would be nice... but I don't want to wait until December to start trying to have a baby.

Of course, my hubby probably would like to have some input on this... hehe  I guess I should talk to him first? LOL  Yes, and I should pray about it - I certainly don't want to try to be God again and chose when my baby will be born.  Perhaps I should let the One who knows best decide when we should try again... I think He would like it to be sooner rather than later, but again, need to pray more about this...

I'm just so stinkin excited that my period is here today! 

decisions... decisions...

Things that make me happy!

It's here!  Finally!  The necklace came in the mail today. I've taken a picture to show you, but it's really small... like our baby was. :-) It's a silver forget-me-not with two gemstones hanging from it - the stones that mark the month conceived and the month passed.  I'm just finally glad to have it!

Also, I got a book!  A friend let me borrow a book that helped her during this time... "I'll Hold You In Heaven."  Going to read it now.

These things make me happy :-)