When I get home from work these days, I can't do anything. I'm so tired! I know it's the first trimester hormones raging away at my being, but it's twice as bad as it ever was with Beth. First, probably because I'm having to run after her when I get home, but second, it's this prometrium (for low progesterone) I'm taking - I know it.
I remember the one week I was on it with our Angel Baby, in a desperate attempt to save that life, and I was exhausted! Prometrium kicks butt! Especially when you are having to take it in the morning and at night.
But please don't hear me complaining - I really don't want to complain! I feel so blessed to be pregnant and all signs pointing to a healthy pregnancy so far that the last thing I want to do is complain about any aspect of it. In fact, yeah for fatigue! If the more tired I am means the more pregnant I am, bring on the new early bed time! hehe
I had a few moments today where I thought I might puke on a student in the front row of my class - and I'm even thankful for that! Bring on the nausea! ;-)
The only thing I'm concerned about right now is getting those papers graded that have been sitting on my desk since October. I have no motivation to grade - zero! Especially when I get home after working all day. I just need to figure out a way to get through them...
Oh, well. They always get done eventually! Anyway, I had my second blood draw this afternoon, and I should have the results from that before the weekend. I'll let you know what they say.
I anticipate all is well, as it is with my soul right now.
Yahooooo!!!!!!
I just want to shout it from the roof tops - my hormones are GREAT!!!!!
LOL @ me :-)
Yes, I just got off the phone with the doctor - she called me herself after not getting a call back from the nurse on Wednesday. I just have to say I LOVE DR. B!!!! She is so sensitive and caring!
She said my levels were perfect for as far along as I suspect that I am! (((((HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF)))))
Then she said she could see me at the end of this week for an ultrasound - and... cue my hesitation.......
She sensed it, and said, "We don't have to. We can treat you like a normal patient. I can see you at 8 weeks for an ultrasound like normal?"
I hesitated again - not necessarily sure I wanted to be treated as "normal" but also not wanting an ultrasound now only being a bit over 5 weeks along....
She sensed my hesitation again, and said, "Let's do this. Let's check your levels one more time. Then, we'll go from there?"
I happily exclaimed, "Okay!"
The nurse then called me back, and we set up the blood draw. This Wednesday morning. Results should be in by Friday. Then I also went ahead and just scheduled a regular 8 weeks appointment for Dec. 16th.
I'm believing - and TRUSTING GOD - and I feel so is Dr. B, that the blood results from this week will come back fine, and so that's why I asked for the 8 weeks ultrasound appointment.
I know she would give me an ultrasound whenever I wanted, at this point. However, my hesitation toward doing that early comes from not wanting to relive that moment... the moment where I look at the ultrasound screen and hardly see anything there when there should be more there (a heartbeat but not much else), and so I being to worry about the development of my baby. That happened at an almost 7 week ultrasound with Angel Baby, on my birthday. A week later, I miscarried.
I just can't do that again. So I want to go in when I know I'll either see my baby bean with a good heartbeat or I won't... I'M BELIEVING I WILL THOUGH! ****giddy from excitement****
Dr. B believes that the loss of our Angel had to do with either one or both of two things: 1 - low progesterone and 2 - chromosomal abnormality - the most common reason for early miscarriages
Well, number one is NOT a problem - most especially because I'm taking the synthetic progesterone night and day, prometrium. And, well, number two... there's nothing I can do about that. It's a God thing. I need to believe that God's timing is all over this and good egg met good sperm this time to produce a rainbow baby. :-))))
So, as long as these next tests come out normal as well, I won't see Dr. B until Dec. 16th - one day shy of 8 weeks along.
I'm so excited, my heart is pounding!!!
Hope you all are having a great day too! Oh! And thank you for the responses to my idea for BLMs in honor of all our angels! I'm soooo glad you love it!!! I'll be sure to put the final touches on it over the Christmas break and roll it out next year - along with my new blog look that Franchesca at Small Bird Studio is working on. I'm excited about that too!!!
((((((hugz 2 all))))))
LOL @ me :-)
Yes, I just got off the phone with the doctor - she called me herself after not getting a call back from the nurse on Wednesday. I just have to say I LOVE DR. B!!!! She is so sensitive and caring!
She said my levels were perfect for as far along as I suspect that I am! (((((HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF)))))
Then she said she could see me at the end of this week for an ultrasound - and... cue my hesitation.......
She sensed it, and said, "We don't have to. We can treat you like a normal patient. I can see you at 8 weeks for an ultrasound like normal?"
I hesitated again - not necessarily sure I wanted to be treated as "normal" but also not wanting an ultrasound now only being a bit over 5 weeks along....
She sensed my hesitation again, and said, "Let's do this. Let's check your levels one more time. Then, we'll go from there?"
I happily exclaimed, "Okay!"
The nurse then called me back, and we set up the blood draw. This Wednesday morning. Results should be in by Friday. Then I also went ahead and just scheduled a regular 8 weeks appointment for Dec. 16th.
I'm believing - and TRUSTING GOD - and I feel so is Dr. B, that the blood results from this week will come back fine, and so that's why I asked for the 8 weeks ultrasound appointment.
I know she would give me an ultrasound whenever I wanted, at this point. However, my hesitation toward doing that early comes from not wanting to relive that moment... the moment where I look at the ultrasound screen and hardly see anything there when there should be more there (a heartbeat but not much else), and so I being to worry about the development of my baby. That happened at an almost 7 week ultrasound with Angel Baby, on my birthday. A week later, I miscarried.
I just can't do that again. So I want to go in when I know I'll either see my baby bean with a good heartbeat or I won't... I'M BELIEVING I WILL THOUGH! ****giddy from excitement****
Dr. B believes that the loss of our Angel had to do with either one or both of two things: 1 - low progesterone and 2 - chromosomal abnormality - the most common reason for early miscarriages
Well, number one is NOT a problem - most especially because I'm taking the synthetic progesterone night and day, prometrium. And, well, number two... there's nothing I can do about that. It's a God thing. I need to believe that God's timing is all over this and good egg met good sperm this time to produce a rainbow baby. :-))))
So, as long as these next tests come out normal as well, I won't see Dr. B until Dec. 16th - one day shy of 8 weeks along.
I'm so excited, my heart is pounding!!!
Hope you all are having a great day too! Oh! And thank you for the responses to my idea for BLMs in honor of all our angels! I'm soooo glad you love it!!! I'll be sure to put the final touches on it over the Christmas break and roll it out next year - along with my new blog look that Franchesca at Small Bird Studio is working on. I'm excited about that too!!!
((((((hugz 2 all))))))
two AWESOME things to share
It's a day to share...
1. First, let me encourage you all to visit the blog of the Amazing Mikayla Grace. This is a fellow BLM who is doing an awesome giveaway! You don't want to miss it!
2. I also wanted to share my memorial idea for BLMs. SO EXCITED!!!! Read about it here... Memorial Forget-me-nots
Hope you are having a blessed day!!!
1. First, let me encourage you all to visit the blog of the Amazing Mikayla Grace. This is a fellow BLM who is doing an awesome giveaway! You don't want to miss it!
2. I also wanted to share my memorial idea for BLMs. SO EXCITED!!!! Read about it here... Memorial Forget-me-nots
Hope you are having a blessed day!!!
a 99% reaction
"Life is 1% what happens to you and 99% how you react to it." - idk who said that
Update - The doctor's office was closed on Friday too, so no test results from my blood work taken on Tuesday until Monday when I try to call them during my lunch and planning. And, it's weird, but today, I'm okay with that. At least, I'm choosing to be okay with that because what could we do if there was something not quite right but take more blood and monitor things? At least, that's what the nurse had said. I'm already taking prometrium for low progesterone, and as far as I know, they don't bottle HCG. So I'm kinda glad, if something is wrong, that I don't know about it right now.
So que sera sera - whatever will be will be. In fact, when I call on Monday - after I voice my displeasure about not being called on Wednesday and left to worry away that day instead of know the results of that test like they said they would call and tell me - I'll request an appointment at 8 weeks (when they usually do a first appointment) and see, hopefully, my bean with a heart on ultrasound that day. I don't even want the results from that stupid blood draw anymore. Is that reckless? And I don't want an ultrasound any sooner than that. Because again, what could they do if something is wrong. I'm doing all I can do now.
I'm in trusting mode - probably where God wants me most anyway! hehe :-) Trusting that this rainbow is my rainbow and that God's perfect will - His providence - will be done in my life - I know it will. And just typing that brings me comfort.
The above quote I started this post with is something I constantly tell my students! Don't let what happens to you, rule you! You have a great power within you - choice. I can can either choose to let worry and/or depression overcome me, or I can choose to do something more productive!
I choose productivity! Which is a good thing because time spent in worry mode has gotten me behind! I've got a HUGE amount of papers to grade! And only a short amount of time to get them done. 3 weeks till Christmas break! Why does it take a deadline for me to finally get my butt in gear and get grading done?! errr @ myself But before I do that, I should finish planning my Sunday school lesson. ((procrastination nation here))
However, in the midst of all that, I need to make time for my daughter and husband too. We've gotta get up that Christmas tree! :-) That will be a fun break from grading...
Oh, and my project for BLMs is finally dry. I have to move on to the next step with that too. For those of you that tried to guess - sorry - no correct guesses yet. It's not paper mache. AND I'M SO STINKIN EXCITED TO DO THIS FOR YA'LL! You're gonna love it, but I have to make sure it works first... hehe
I'm off to go work on that before I grade papers - priorities you know ;-)
Update - The doctor's office was closed on Friday too, so no test results from my blood work taken on Tuesday until Monday when I try to call them during my lunch and planning. And, it's weird, but today, I'm okay with that. At least, I'm choosing to be okay with that because what could we do if there was something not quite right but take more blood and monitor things? At least, that's what the nurse had said. I'm already taking prometrium for low progesterone, and as far as I know, they don't bottle HCG. So I'm kinda glad, if something is wrong, that I don't know about it right now.
So que sera sera - whatever will be will be. In fact, when I call on Monday - after I voice my displeasure about not being called on Wednesday and left to worry away that day instead of know the results of that test like they said they would call and tell me - I'll request an appointment at 8 weeks (when they usually do a first appointment) and see, hopefully, my bean with a heart on ultrasound that day. I don't even want the results from that stupid blood draw anymore. Is that reckless? And I don't want an ultrasound any sooner than that. Because again, what could they do if something is wrong. I'm doing all I can do now.
I'm in trusting mode - probably where God wants me most anyway! hehe :-) Trusting that this rainbow is my rainbow and that God's perfect will - His providence - will be done in my life - I know it will. And just typing that brings me comfort.
The above quote I started this post with is something I constantly tell my students! Don't let what happens to you, rule you! You have a great power within you - choice. I can can either choose to let worry and/or depression overcome me, or I can choose to do something more productive!
I choose productivity! Which is a good thing because time spent in worry mode has gotten me behind! I've got a HUGE amount of papers to grade! And only a short amount of time to get them done. 3 weeks till Christmas break! Why does it take a deadline for me to finally get my butt in gear and get grading done?! errr @ myself But before I do that, I should finish planning my Sunday school lesson. ((procrastination nation here))
However, in the midst of all that, I need to make time for my daughter and husband too. We've gotta get up that Christmas tree! :-) That will be a fun break from grading...
Oh, and my project for BLMs is finally dry. I have to move on to the next step with that too. For those of you that tried to guess - sorry - no correct guesses yet. It's not paper mache. AND I'M SO STINKIN EXCITED TO DO THIS FOR YA'LL! You're gonna love it, but I have to make sure it works first... hehe
I'm off to go work on that before I grade papers - priorities you know ;-)
The Thanksgiving Top Ten
I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
Psalm 9:1
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
Psalm 9:1
So in honor of my Jesus and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here are the top ten things I'm grateful for!
10. I'm thankful for morning hot showers! Without these, I don't believe I would ever get out of bed!!! Besides, there are many across the world who don't have this luxury.
9. The Macy's Thanksgiving Day's Parade! I love watching this every year as I smell the turkey cooking in the kitchen!! And this year, Beth is, at least, somewhat interested in watching it with me. And yes, that is my foot poking her to get her to look at the camera as I sit lazily on the couch in my sweat pants and sweat shirt :-)
8. I'm thankful for my job - English teacher and speech coach. I'm thankful God has entrusted this mission field to me and works through me in the lives of so many.
7. I'm thankful for my church! What an amazing family of believers we belong to!
6. I'm thankful for The Carpenter's Shop! This is Beth's Christian daycare/preschool. We had a lot of problems with her and the first place we had her staying. The Carpenter's Shop was an answer to prayer! I feel like I finally have the help I need as a working mom to raise my daughter right, AMEN!
5. I'm thankful to have a roof over our heads, for the means to keep it. In this economy, this is a huge blessing!
4. I'm thankful for my Angel Baby. Yes, for that small life that lasted only 8 weeks and then left us for heaven. Oh Angel, how you've changed me, us, and others. Your life has meant, and will continue to mean, so much to everyone!
3. I'm thankful for a loving husband! Especially one that can cook!! I'm blessed!!! Oh, in this pic, I should explain. Every year, I make Michael pretend the turkey is flying away. My mom always did this with me, and I wanted Beth to have that memory. :-)
2. I'm thankful for my daughter Beth Grace. My blond haired, blue eyed, independent, strong-willed, always happy, always full of energy, cutie pie! And ever the big helper...
1. I'm thankful for rainbow babies :-) An answer to prayer! Thank you Jesus!!
Happy Thanksgiving EVERYONE! Don't forget to count your blessings!
Today... in 3 parts
Part I - 1:50pm
I'm a mess right now. I've been waiting for the doctor's office to call about my hcg and progesterone levels based on the blood they took yesterday. It was almost 1:30pm, and I could bear the wait no longer, so I called. The receptionist said she would have the nurse call me back in a little bit. I'm still waiting...
I figured I'd work out some of my emotions blogging while I wait for the call, and, I must say, I'm surprised I've got so much anxiety about this. I really do believe this is our rainbow! All will be fine!! But there's always this nagging doubt that creeps into my thoughts that something could be wrong.
And something could be, but I'm sure it won't be. Ugh! I just need her to call and say it looks good!!! This prometrium I've been taking causes some back pain and occasional cramping - I've been told it's really common - but it freaks me out. Why isn't she calling me back!?!?!?!
I've got laundry done, sweet potatoes for tomorrow... I had planned to grade some papers, but I just can't make myself do it. Instead? I'm torturing myself by watching A Baby Story on TLC. You know that program? WHY AM I WATCHING THIS?! Why does anyone watch this?!
The woman pushes, the baby pops out, and I cry. I should turn this off... Yet, something in me wants to keep watching... weird.
Part II - 2:30
To take my mind off the impending phone call, I started work on my new crafty project that will end up being a way to memorialize my Angel and other BLM's babies. I can't wait to send you each one of these! Can you guess what it is I'm making? hehe
Part III - 4:03pm
They didn't call me back. I called again and got the answering service. They closed early for the holiday. I just want to cry. I guess there is a chance they could still call... probably not. And so I'm left to sit and worry. I - just - want - to - cry! And there's probably nothing wrong. I just needed to hear that.
I'm so flippin mad right now I can't see straight!!!!!
I'm a mess right now. I've been waiting for the doctor's office to call about my hcg and progesterone levels based on the blood they took yesterday. It was almost 1:30pm, and I could bear the wait no longer, so I called. The receptionist said she would have the nurse call me back in a little bit. I'm still waiting...
I figured I'd work out some of my emotions blogging while I wait for the call, and, I must say, I'm surprised I've got so much anxiety about this. I really do believe this is our rainbow! All will be fine!! But there's always this nagging doubt that creeps into my thoughts that something could be wrong.
And something could be, but I'm sure it won't be. Ugh! I just need her to call and say it looks good!!! This prometrium I've been taking causes some back pain and occasional cramping - I've been told it's really common - but it freaks me out. Why isn't she calling me back!?!?!?!
I've got laundry done, sweet potatoes for tomorrow... I had planned to grade some papers, but I just can't make myself do it. Instead? I'm torturing myself by watching A Baby Story on TLC. You know that program? WHY AM I WATCHING THIS?! Why does anyone watch this?!
The woman pushes, the baby pops out, and I cry. I should turn this off... Yet, something in me wants to keep watching... weird.
Part II - 2:30
To take my mind off the impending phone call, I started work on my new crafty project that will end up being a way to memorialize my Angel and other BLM's babies. I can't wait to send you each one of these! Can you guess what it is I'm making? hehe
Part III - 4:03pm
They didn't call me back. I called again and got the answering service. They closed early for the holiday. I just want to cry. I guess there is a chance they could still call... probably not. And so I'm left to sit and worry. I - just - want - to - cry! And there's probably nothing wrong. I just needed to hear that.
I'm so flippin mad right now I can't see straight!!!!!
First Doctor's Appointment
((((Cue - Huge relieved SiGh)))) I'm so glad that's over! It wasn't really a "doctor's" appointment but an appointment. I wasn't sure what to expect when they scheduled me to come into the office today. I figured blood work, but I didn't know what else they were going to do, if anything. Turns out, that was it - the blood work. The nurse took some blood to run HCG and Progesterone level tests, and I was in and out of there in 10 mins! Good thing too...
After pulling into the parking lot and paying to park, I drove around to find a spot and felt the urge to vomit. Now, that could have been because nausea has begun with rainbow baby or - what I really think it was - I was nervous and remembering the news I got the last time I pulled into this parking lot.
I shook it off, parked, and walked into the office building. Then, it hit me again. First, the doctor's office/hospital smell - you know what I'm talking about? They all have a very distinctive smell! Anyway, after that hit me, another wave of nausea hit. I started to shake a bit. Thoughts of seeing Dr. B again ran through my head. Would I cry? Would I hug her and just smile like a kid who has his hand in a candy jar - like I've been doing lately when I talk to others about this rainbow baby?
Well, I didn't see her. Like I said, it was just the nurse who took some blood and said they'd call me tomorrow. ((huge sigh)) I'm kinda glad I didn't see Dr. B today. We'll deal with that some other time.
So, it's now a wait and see game. They should call tomorrow with the blood results. If the HCG and Progesterone is where it should be for a gal who is not even 5 weeks yet, then all is well and we'll schedule an appointment to see her again at 6 or 7 weeks - the doctor will decide. If it's not okay, they'll take more blood, probably tomorrow or the day after thanksgiving, and see what the numbers do after a day or two. Probably then see me sooner rather than later.
I'm praying for later!! Much later!!! In fact, I'd rather just see her at her normal 8 weeks first visit. At least by then I know if an ultrasound is done - which she usually does - then we'll be able to see a heart beat and the shape of a baby bean.
I don't want to - don't think I could go through again - another ultrasound where we don't see very much and begin to worry about the progress of the baby. Oh, Lord, please save me from this!
PLEASE join me in prayer for this rainbow. Just a short shout out to the Lord on the behalf of Jamie, Angel Baby's and Beth's mommy, that this rainbow is a rainbow!
Actually, I am comforted that it is! Constantly since I've found out that I'm pregnant again, I have moments of anxiety - those that have had a miscarriage or loss will understand this - but then I'll have moments of joy, where I sit and smile and just KNOW this is our rainbow.
In fact, I had one of those moments this morning. You're gonna die when you read this! This morning, Beth awoke at 6am wanting mommy to help her use the potty. I obliged, then stuck her back in bed with Michael and I. It was beginning to sound like she had fallen asleep again, but all of a sudden she says, "Mommy! I REALLY want God to put a baby in your tummy!!! I really want a sister, Mommy!"
At that point, Michael turned over in utter shock. Why in the world was she asking this?! At 6am in the morning!! We were again thinking of not telling her until after a successful 8 weeks scan. We had made that decision with our Angel Baby, and I was glad. Dealing with the grief of that loss was too overwhelming; I couldn't have dealt with hers as well.
But after that impassioned plea out of the total blue, I couldn't help but smile at her and say... "I have something to tell you. God has put a baby in mommy's tummy!"
I wish I had a camera at that moment to record the smile on her face. It was brighter than any sun in this universe! And then she started to giggle with happiness. It was sooo cute, so I started to giggle with happiness. And this must have gone on for about 5 mins! IT WAS GREAT!! God is sooo good to have orchestrated this moment for us - I know He did!
So you see, this rainbow has to be fine. He/She is fine. I know it!
After pulling into the parking lot and paying to park, I drove around to find a spot and felt the urge to vomit. Now, that could have been because nausea has begun with rainbow baby or - what I really think it was - I was nervous and remembering the news I got the last time I pulled into this parking lot.
I shook it off, parked, and walked into the office building. Then, it hit me again. First, the doctor's office/hospital smell - you know what I'm talking about? They all have a very distinctive smell! Anyway, after that hit me, another wave of nausea hit. I started to shake a bit. Thoughts of seeing Dr. B again ran through my head. Would I cry? Would I hug her and just smile like a kid who has his hand in a candy jar - like I've been doing lately when I talk to others about this rainbow baby?
Well, I didn't see her. Like I said, it was just the nurse who took some blood and said they'd call me tomorrow. ((huge sigh)) I'm kinda glad I didn't see Dr. B today. We'll deal with that some other time.
So, it's now a wait and see game. They should call tomorrow with the blood results. If the HCG and Progesterone is where it should be for a gal who is not even 5 weeks yet, then all is well and we'll schedule an appointment to see her again at 6 or 7 weeks - the doctor will decide. If it's not okay, they'll take more blood, probably tomorrow or the day after thanksgiving, and see what the numbers do after a day or two. Probably then see me sooner rather than later.
I'm praying for later!! Much later!!! In fact, I'd rather just see her at her normal 8 weeks first visit. At least by then I know if an ultrasound is done - which she usually does - then we'll be able to see a heart beat and the shape of a baby bean.
I don't want to - don't think I could go through again - another ultrasound where we don't see very much and begin to worry about the progress of the baby. Oh, Lord, please save me from this!
PLEASE join me in prayer for this rainbow. Just a short shout out to the Lord on the behalf of Jamie, Angel Baby's and Beth's mommy, that this rainbow is a rainbow!
Actually, I am comforted that it is! Constantly since I've found out that I'm pregnant again, I have moments of anxiety - those that have had a miscarriage or loss will understand this - but then I'll have moments of joy, where I sit and smile and just KNOW this is our rainbow.
In fact, I had one of those moments this morning. You're gonna die when you read this! This morning, Beth awoke at 6am wanting mommy to help her use the potty. I obliged, then stuck her back in bed with Michael and I. It was beginning to sound like she had fallen asleep again, but all of a sudden she says, "Mommy! I REALLY want God to put a baby in your tummy!!! I really want a sister, Mommy!"
At that point, Michael turned over in utter shock. Why in the world was she asking this?! At 6am in the morning!! We were again thinking of not telling her until after a successful 8 weeks scan. We had made that decision with our Angel Baby, and I was glad. Dealing with the grief of that loss was too overwhelming; I couldn't have dealt with hers as well.
But after that impassioned plea out of the total blue, I couldn't help but smile at her and say... "I have something to tell you. God has put a baby in mommy's tummy!"
I wish I had a camera at that moment to record the smile on her face. It was brighter than any sun in this universe! And then she started to giggle with happiness. It was sooo cute, so I started to giggle with happiness. And this must have gone on for about 5 mins! IT WAS GREAT!! God is sooo good to have orchestrated this moment for us - I know He did!
So you see, this rainbow has to be fine. He/She is fine. I know it!
In Memory
Tonight was the last meeting of our online pregnancy and infant loss bible study. If you've not been through this and you are a BLM, I implore you - DO IT! It's the most healing journey I've ever taken through God's Word with some of the most amazing ladies I've ever had the privilege to meet.
Tonight, we viewed our video memorials that the leader of the study, Kristie from Anchored by Hope ministry, put together. I want to share mine with you. Please watch, and please post a comment that you saw it.
Even though I am beyond happy to be awaiting the arrival of our rainbow baby, my Angel will NEVER be forgotten!!!!! He/She changed me forever - in ways I'll never be able to describe.
My God is sooo good! I'm sooo blessed!!
Thank you all for reading my blog!
Tonight, we viewed our video memorials that the leader of the study, Kristie from Anchored by Hope ministry, put together. I want to share mine with you. Please watch, and please post a comment that you saw it.
Even though I am beyond happy to be awaiting the arrival of our rainbow baby, my Angel will NEVER be forgotten!!!!! He/She changed me forever - in ways I'll never be able to describe.
My God is sooo good! I'm sooo blessed!!
Thank you all for reading my blog!
Super Sunday
I've got sooo much to blog about today - where do I start?!
I'm still pregnant! And I'm still in shock!! I just want to praise Him constantly - our Lord does so many good things for us! I'm far too blessed...
Today, I'm gonna do a link up to a blog I LOVE reading - written by a lady I work with who inspired me to start my own blog after the loss of our Angel Baby.
When I racked my brain as to which blog I would recommend, one stood out in my mind the most. Jessica's at Too Beautiful For Earth.
Jessica has lost two babies to early miscarriage - her Peyton and Riley. Her blog has been an inspiration to me. There are not many blogs out there from BLMs who've had early miscarriages, and so, her blog is the one I can most relate to when I read it. Not to mention she is the sweetest most caring individual I have come across online. So, Jessica, you're about to be recommended for the show!
Here's to a Super Sunday!
I'm still pregnant! And I'm still in shock!! I just want to praise Him constantly - our Lord does so many good things for us! I'm far too blessed...
Today, I'm gonna do a link up to a blog I LOVE reading - written by a lady I work with who inspired me to start my own blog after the loss of our Angel Baby.
My blogger friend writes about her Super Sunday Link-Up: "The purpose of Super Sunday was to carve out one day a week where we choose to have a good day (A Super day. Duh.) and actively seek to make that sort of day happen. Your super day doesn't have to be on Sunday. It can be whatever day you want it to be. But the point is that you choose ONE day to have the kind of day you want to have by doing that day your way."
I'm going to choose to have a good day - despite the fact I'm so tired I can hardly see straight because I got home at midnight from a speech/debate tournament. I'm going to have a day where I celebrate this new life growing inside me - like I wish I had celebrated the early days of our Angel Baby's life.
What I mean by that is, I didn't tell everyone that I was pregnant when we found out we were expecting our Angel. I did with Beth, but I didn't with Angel. I'm not sure why... perhaps it was the early apprehension I felt with Angel. It made me hesitate to share the news with the general populace. And I regret that.
This - just like Angel was - is a life growing inside of me! God has done a great work in me! And I want everyone to celebrate it with me. I've shared it with my Sunday School, and now I've shared it with friends on facebook. (I know there are some out there that think this is a bit much, going overboard perhaps? but it was something I needed to do, so respect my decision as I respect yours to share or not to share, please?)
And that's one of the points of this Super Sunday Link-Up, right? "Choose ONE day to have the kind of day you want to have by doing that day your way." And that's what I wanted to do today - celebrate by sharing the news of what God is doing in our life! I'm believing and trusting that this is our rainbow!
Now, for a prayer request. I go in to see the doctor on Tuesday at 11am. When I called the OB office to let them know I was pregnant, they said I should begin taking my prometrium in the morning and at night (which I am doing) and that the doctor wanted to see me sooner to do blood work. That's Tuesday. They want to monitor me more closely this time. I'm happy for that, but I'm not so happy to be going back to the office and seeing my wonderful OB... because... well, I'm worried, and memories of all the bad news that came my way in that office, I know, will come flooding back. So pray for me, my baby, and Tuesday?
This baby is due July 26 - my birthday. God is sooo good. This is the day we found out something was wrong with our Angel. Now this is the day the good Lord will give us a rainbow instead. ((gives me chills to think about it))
One more thing before I end my blog post today... I found this on the Butterfly Mommies website.
Anchored by Hope Radio is holding a contest for blog authors right now. If you have been positively affected by a blog, you can submit that blog author to be interviewed live on our radio show! Here is a link you can use to fill out that form. Although you can only submit the blog once, you can ask your friends to recommend the same blog. The more unique recommendations the better their chances are of winning!
When I racked my brain as to which blog I would recommend, one stood out in my mind the most. Jessica's at Too Beautiful For Earth.
Jessica has lost two babies to early miscarriage - her Peyton and Riley. Her blog has been an inspiration to me. There are not many blogs out there from BLMs who've had early miscarriages, and so, her blog is the one I can most relate to when I read it. Not to mention she is the sweetest most caring individual I have come across online. So, Jessica, you're about to be recommended for the show!
Here's to a Super Sunday!
OMG! BFP!!
I'm in TOTAL shock!!!!
No AF again this morning, so I took another test... and....
Do you see it?!
Does it say - pregnant?!
IT TOTALLY DOES!
I'm not sure what to type just yet. I just had to share it with you all!
Love you!
Jamie
No AF again this morning, so I took another test... and....
Does it say - pregnant?!
IT TOTALLY DOES!
I'm not sure what to type just yet. I just had to share it with you all!
Love you!
Jamie
i just wanna cry right now...
... and I don't really know why.
Well, that's a lie. I know why. I haven't started my period. And it's stressing me out.
I took a pregnancy test Wednesday morning and got a BFN. I do feel premenstrual. SO WHY HASN'T AF COME?!?!?
As my co-worker, friend, and fellow blogger tells me, I probably just have a cycle longer than 28 days... There are tons of other reasons why it's being delayed...
However, the only reason I really want to be true is because I'm pregnant. And as I type - I'm really okay if I'm not pregnant this month; we really didn't try that hard - I know now in my heart that is a lie.
I'm overwhelmed at work; I don't want to be here right now; and even Colossians 3:23 is not bringing me any comfort...
Pray for me, please?
Well, that's a lie. I know why. I haven't started my period. And it's stressing me out.
I took a pregnancy test Wednesday morning and got a BFN. I do feel premenstrual. SO WHY HASN'T AF COME?!?!?
As my co-worker, friend, and fellow blogger tells me, I probably just have a cycle longer than 28 days... There are tons of other reasons why it's being delayed...
However, the only reason I really want to be true is because I'm pregnant. And as I type - I'm really okay if I'm not pregnant this month; we really didn't try that hard - I know now in my heart that is a lie.
I'm overwhelmed at work; I don't want to be here right now; and even Colossians 3:23 is not bringing me any comfort...
Pray for me, please?
waiting for AF
She's coming - I can feel it - so why torture me with all this teasing (i.e. cramps)!!! JUST COME ALREADY!
Every moment she stays away a little voice inside me whispers, "Maybe you're pregnant..."
I shake my head to clear it of this insane thought. We only DTD once this month and only somewhat close to ovulation, and so chances I am prego are slim to none. Besides, didn't I just say, AF is coming - I can feel it!
And really, I'm okay with it. Really. Surprised? I kinda am :-)
Like I said, we didn't try hard this month, I've been sick, and besides, I'm kinda excited about TTC this coming cycle. Gonna try for a Christmas present - at least, that's what I told the hubby I wanted for Christmas. hehe
Anyway, if the Christmas present doesn't come then I've got a plan B. I'll call my OB. If it doesn't happen for Christmas then at least I'll have 3 months worth of charting my BBT while TTC, and we can talk about what, if anything, might be "wrong." TTCing after a miscarriage just always makes you think something must be wrong...
So that's the plan. And the OCD in me likes to have a plan because I like to have some kind of "control" in a situation. It makes me feel okay, safe. To be true though, I'm sure one of the things the good Lord is trying to teach me is to not rely on my plans so much. This is hard for me not to do! I'm working on it though... and obviously so is He *wink* ;-)
Oh, and I guess the real reason I'm frustrated that AF has not arrived yet is because her tardiness has put a delay on a guilty pleasure I indulge in when AF shows up - I eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, the chocolate fudge brownie kind, all in one sitting. AF makes me crave chocolate!
alright... alright... Confession - I always crave chocolate. heheh
Come on already, AF!!!!!!
UPDATE: Hubby just walked in with a Reece's peanut butter cup cake... this will do as a pre-show for Ben and Jerry
Every moment she stays away a little voice inside me whispers, "Maybe you're pregnant..."
I shake my head to clear it of this insane thought. We only DTD once this month and only somewhat close to ovulation, and so chances I am prego are slim to none. Besides, didn't I just say, AF is coming - I can feel it!
And really, I'm okay with it. Really. Surprised? I kinda am :-)
Like I said, we didn't try hard this month, I've been sick, and besides, I'm kinda excited about TTC this coming cycle. Gonna try for a Christmas present - at least, that's what I told the hubby I wanted for Christmas. hehe
Anyway, if the Christmas present doesn't come then I've got a plan B. I'll call my OB. If it doesn't happen for Christmas then at least I'll have 3 months worth of charting my BBT while TTC, and we can talk about what, if anything, might be "wrong." TTCing after a miscarriage just always makes you think something must be wrong...
So that's the plan. And the OCD in me likes to have a plan because I like to have some kind of "control" in a situation. It makes me feel okay, safe. To be true though, I'm sure one of the things the good Lord is trying to teach me is to not rely on my plans so much. This is hard for me not to do! I'm working on it though... and obviously so is He *wink* ;-)
Oh, and I guess the real reason I'm frustrated that AF has not arrived yet is because her tardiness has put a delay on a guilty pleasure I indulge in when AF shows up - I eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, the chocolate fudge brownie kind, all in one sitting. AF makes me crave chocolate!
alright... alright... Confession - I always crave chocolate. heheh
Come on already, AF!!!!!!
UPDATE: Hubby just walked in with a Reece's peanut butter cup cake... this will do as a pre-show for Ben and Jerry
Peace from Jesus
A Monday Meme
Colossians 3:23-24 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Anyway, today was good for a Monday, but I'm going to need to grade some stuff at home tonight (which I DESPISE) and then put it in the grade book. It's moments like this when I can get depressed with the reality of being an English teacher.... shoot, the reality of being a teacher.
However - I can't testify enough about this working children of God out there who read my blog - after I mediate on Colossians 3:23 when I'm feeling down about my job, it inspires me to get that grading done! And be happy about it! Because I'm doing it for Jesus! It is Him I am serving!! I would work overtime for Jesus, so let's do it! Bring on the pop quizzes!
Colossians 3:23 gives me peace - His word gives me peace - Jesus gives me peace.
Praying peace from Jesus for every one's Monday/work week!
A way to remember...
As I do some research online and get ideas as to how I can remember my Angel and help others to remember theirs, I'm increasing becoming obsessed with the forget-me-not flower!
They are BEAUTIFUL! Don't you think so? Now, they come in more colors besides blue, but I really like the blue!
Anyway, I feel like God is giving me a vision to help me and you all remember our babies using forget-me-nots. However, it's gonna take some time and learning on my part to implement. As I was thinking about how, economically, to begin this process, I felt like the Lord is saying for me to take it slow. In fact, this is probably something I'll roll out to you all in March - the month my Angel Baby was due.
Until then, I found this great website - YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT - that has an online memorial forget-me-not garden. It's too cool! Check it out!!
Praying you've all had a relaxing and rejuvenating Sunday!
Anyway, I feel like God is giving me a vision to help me and you all remember our babies using forget-me-nots. However, it's gonna take some time and learning on my part to implement. As I was thinking about how, economically, to begin this process, I felt like the Lord is saying for me to take it slow. In fact, this is probably something I'll roll out to you all in March - the month my Angel Baby was due.
Until then, I found this great website - YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT - that has an online memorial forget-me-not garden. It's too cool! Check it out!!
Praying you've all had a relaxing and rejuvenating Sunday!
Forget-me-not, Oh Lord!
I started this blog because I needed a safe place to work through my emotions - at the time, mostly about the loss of our baby at 8 weeks. Journaling has always offered me a way to clear my head and work through things. I didn't really care who read it, or if anyone would read it. It just helped to get it all out there.
I knew I wanted the blog to be in honor of our Angel, a way to never forget the blessing thatwas is that child. I hoped that it would be found by those going through something similar - so that my journey might help those ladies feel less alone in the world. In their journey of grief.
I hope that's been and will continue to be the case.
But like I just said, journaling helps me to work through things, so this blog is also about... well... anything in my life. And so although I named it Forget-me-not, Oh Lord! because forget-me-nots remind me of my Angel Baby, it's also because as I'm working through my thoughts and feelings about each day, and so I don't want to forget the things that God is teaching me. I don't want to forget the blessings God sends my way - I don't want to forget the hard times and trials because even if He didn't send those, He allows them, and I believe it's for a purpose, so I don't want to forget those either!
So I really do mean what my blog subtitle says, "I have created this blog in an effort to remember everything, everyone, and every day the Lord Jesus sends my way!"
You don't have to read it, but if you do, it's about... me and my Lord Jesus, my awesome husband, my beautiful little girl, my angel baby, my church and that family, my job teaching English, my job coaching speech, and a lot lately about trying to conceive again for that rainbow baby.
I guess this blog turned out to be more than I ever intended it to be! My prayer is that if you do read my mental ramblings, that God uses them to bless your life - either by finding someone you can relate to or something you can take away to use in your own life.
Thank you for letting me share my life's journey with you! And thank you for reading!!
((hugz))
In honor of my blog, I'm going to start a Friday tradition.
Every Friday I will post something I have found online, share about someone I've met, or share about something that happened this week that I don't want to forget.
I actually have two today. ;-)
First, last night when I was reading to Beth from her kid friendly bible, we read the part where Jesus goes up to Heaven. It showed His big mansion. Beth asked how she could go to be there with Jesus. I told her all you have to do is pray and ask, so I led her in the sinner's prayer. She asked Jesus to come into her heart, forgive her of her sins, so that one day she could be with Him! It was beautiful! I don't want to ever forget that moment, and my prayer is now that she never does either! I'm sure God will use that in her life!!
The second thing I want to share has to do with a short video I found online. I had no idea there was a mother's day for baby loss mommas! This is an awesome video. Please watch. Let's not ever forget anyone who has suffered a loss.
I knew I wanted the blog to be in honor of our Angel, a way to never forget the blessing that
I hope that's been and will continue to be the case.
But like I just said, journaling helps me to work through things, so this blog is also about... well... anything in my life. And so although I named it Forget-me-not, Oh Lord! because forget-me-nots remind me of my Angel Baby, it's also because as I'm working through my thoughts and feelings about each day, and so I don't want to forget the things that God is teaching me. I don't want to forget the blessings God sends my way - I don't want to forget the hard times and trials because even if He didn't send those, He allows them, and I believe it's for a purpose, so I don't want to forget those either!
So I really do mean what my blog subtitle says, "I have created this blog in an effort to remember everything, everyone, and every day the Lord Jesus sends my way!"
You don't have to read it, but if you do, it's about... me and my Lord Jesus, my awesome husband, my beautiful little girl, my angel baby, my church and that family, my job teaching English, my job coaching speech, and a lot lately about trying to conceive again for that rainbow baby.
I guess this blog turned out to be more than I ever intended it to be! My prayer is that if you do read my mental ramblings, that God uses them to bless your life - either by finding someone you can relate to or something you can take away to use in your own life.
Thank you for letting me share my life's journey with you! And thank you for reading!!
((hugz))
In honor of my blog, I'm going to start a Friday tradition.
 |
| FORGET-ME-NOT FRIDAY |
I actually have two today. ;-)
First, last night when I was reading to Beth from her kid friendly bible, we read the part where Jesus goes up to Heaven. It showed His big mansion. Beth asked how she could go to be there with Jesus. I told her all you have to do is pray and ask, so I led her in the sinner's prayer. She asked Jesus to come into her heart, forgive her of her sins, so that one day she could be with Him! It was beautiful! I don't want to ever forget that moment, and my prayer is now that she never does either! I'm sure God will use that in her life!!
The second thing I want to share has to do with a short video I found online. I had no idea there was a mother's day for baby loss mommas! This is an awesome video. Please watch. Let's not ever forget anyone who has suffered a loss.
I'm okay - don't worry about me!
I just need to say a few things.
I was pregnant. We were so excited for the new life growing inside of me. We started thinking of names. We started preparing the nursery. This child would complete our family. Then, he/she was gone. At 8 weeks.
This was that baby. With no heart beat. HE/SHE WAS A BABY! A LIFE!
Here's a picture of a baby at 8 weeks along - for those that need something more "real" than an ultrasound.
Don't disrespect me or that child by saying it wasn't really anything.
I saw the heart beat, and then I saw it still.
This was a life. As a Christian, I know it was a life with a soul - one that is now in heaven and that I will see again some day.
Psalm 139:13-16 13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. (see above pic)
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
I love verses 15 and 16 because they testify that the baby had a soul - existed - before God ever began forming him/her inside me.
Proof that even at 8 weeks or less a baby has a soul, a presence, is a being, a life can be seen when Mary, mother of Jesus, went to see Elisabeth, mother of John the Baptist. As soon as Mary is told she is pregnant by the angel, a total surprise to her so it's probably before she misses her monthly period, Mary - the bible says - hurriedly goes to see Elisabeth who is 6 months pregnant. When Mary walks through the door - probably now no more than 8 weeks pregnant, probably less, Elisabeth is moved by the presence, the child within Mary. In fact, Elisabeth's child is moved by the presence/child in Mary and responds as well.
My Angel Baby's days were only numbered at 8 weeks.
Deuteronomy 32:39 39 “See now that I myself am he!
There is no god besides me.
I put to death and I bring to life,
I have wounded and I will heal,
and no one can deliver out of my hand.
I KNOW God is in control - there is a reason my Angel Baby only existed for 8 days. Some reasons I think I know, others of which I won't know until I get to heaven. I rest in this; I find peace in this; however, I'm only human - I will still grieve my loss. I will be sad at times. But...
1 Thessalonians 4:13 13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
I grieve, but not like one who despairs and falls into a griping depression so much so that I can't move on. I grieve with hope! I will see that baby one day, in the arms of my beautiful precious savior! In fact, I praise our Lord for this! I've drawn closer to Him because of it. I think I'm becoming stronger in my faith - and I'm now able to minister those who've experienced a similar loss.
So don't tell me I need to see a counselor or get into some kind of therapy because I still at times feel sad about the loss of that beautiful life.
My grief is natural! It's not unusual. It's understandable, not incomprehensible. I didn't just loose some tissue that had the potential to become a human - I lost our baby! If you don't believe in God's Word that teaches this, then please don't talk to me about my loss - KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
I'm okay - don't worry about me!
I was pregnant. We were so excited for the new life growing inside of me. We started thinking of names. We started preparing the nursery. This child would complete our family. Then, he/she was gone. At 8 weeks.
Don't disrespect me or that child by saying it wasn't really anything.
I saw the heart beat, and then I saw it still.
This was a life. As a Christian, I know it was a life with a soul - one that is now in heaven and that I will see again some day.
Psalm 139:13-16 13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. (see above pic)
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
I love verses 15 and 16 because they testify that the baby had a soul - existed - before God ever began forming him/her inside me.
Proof that even at 8 weeks or less a baby has a soul, a presence, is a being, a life can be seen when Mary, mother of Jesus, went to see Elisabeth, mother of John the Baptist. As soon as Mary is told she is pregnant by the angel, a total surprise to her so it's probably before she misses her monthly period, Mary - the bible says - hurriedly goes to see Elisabeth who is 6 months pregnant. When Mary walks through the door - probably now no more than 8 weeks pregnant, probably less, Elisabeth is moved by the presence, the child within Mary. In fact, Elisabeth's child is moved by the presence/child in Mary and responds as well.
"When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit." (Luke 1:41)My baby was real! Acknowledge that OR KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! I don't want to hear that you think I should get over it because all I lost was some tissue that was obviously deformed. How insensitive!
My Angel Baby's days were only numbered at 8 weeks.
Deuteronomy 32:39 39 “See now that I myself am he!
There is no god besides me.
I put to death and I bring to life,
I have wounded and I will heal,
and no one can deliver out of my hand.
I KNOW God is in control - there is a reason my Angel Baby only existed for 8 days. Some reasons I think I know, others of which I won't know until I get to heaven. I rest in this; I find peace in this; however, I'm only human - I will still grieve my loss. I will be sad at times. But...
1 Thessalonians 4:13 13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
I grieve, but not like one who despairs and falls into a griping depression so much so that I can't move on. I grieve with hope! I will see that baby one day, in the arms of my beautiful precious savior! In fact, I praise our Lord for this! I've drawn closer to Him because of it. I think I'm becoming stronger in my faith - and I'm now able to minister those who've experienced a similar loss.
So don't tell me I need to see a counselor or get into some kind of therapy because I still at times feel sad about the loss of that beautiful life.
My grief is natural! It's not unusual. It's understandable, not incomprehensible. I didn't just loose some tissue that had the potential to become a human - I lost our baby! If you don't believe in God's Word that teaches this, then please don't talk to me about my loss - KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
I'm okay - don't worry about me!
Cross hairs and Hope
FertilityFriend.com says that I may have ovulated on day 16 of my cycle - this past Saturday. Our speech and debate tournament day. The day I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off most of the day. *cue silly laugh*
See chart HERE
FertilityFriend says I have a low chance of being pregnant this cycle. Probably because we were only together once this month, and it was 2 to 3 days (depending on when the egg popped out) before I ovulated -
if I ovulated. My dips aren't really low... should they be lower? I dunno.
But a low chance at a pregnancy is a chance. And if my God is involved, it's a high chance ;-)
A friend shared this verse with me... 2 Corinthians 13:1 "Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses."
She's using this verse to confirm that they shouldn't be trying so hard to get pregnant right now - because of a few random instances where people have come up to her and expressed how they believe it just isn't their time yet to conceive.
Well, I can say I've had two random instances where people have told me, "I believe you'll be pregnant." First, my daughter - if you've not read that post read it HERE, and yesterday, a student! A girl in my public speaking class - the only group that knows about my miscarriage (I can share that August story later) - she came up to me and said, "You pregnant yet?" You have to know her to appreciate how she said that - all southern like. Anyway, I replied, shocked she had asked out of the blue, "No, not yet." She says, "I feel your going to get pregnant before the year is out!" All I could do was reply... "Um.. I hope you're right."
I think I've said this before, I don't believe in coincidence, but I do believe in God and His word. So this morning as I prayed, the verse that my co-worker shared with me about all matters being established by two or three witnesses popped into my head.
I have hope this month! Hope.... hummm... I really like that name ;-)
See chart HERE
FertilityFriend says I have a low chance of being pregnant this cycle. Probably because we were only together once this month, and it was 2 to 3 days (depending on when the egg popped out) before I ovulated -
if I ovulated. My dips aren't really low... should they be lower? I dunno.
But a low chance at a pregnancy is a chance. And if my God is involved, it's a high chance ;-)
A friend shared this verse with me... 2 Corinthians 13:1 "Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses."
She's using this verse to confirm that they shouldn't be trying so hard to get pregnant right now - because of a few random instances where people have come up to her and expressed how they believe it just isn't their time yet to conceive.
Well, I can say I've had two random instances where people have told me, "I believe you'll be pregnant." First, my daughter - if you've not read that post read it HERE, and yesterday, a student! A girl in my public speaking class - the only group that knows about my miscarriage (I can share that August story later) - she came up to me and said, "You pregnant yet?" You have to know her to appreciate how she said that - all southern like. Anyway, I replied, shocked she had asked out of the blue, "No, not yet." She says, "I feel your going to get pregnant before the year is out!" All I could do was reply... "Um.. I hope you're right."
I think I've said this before, I don't believe in coincidence, but I do believe in God and His word. So this morning as I prayed, the verse that my co-worker shared with me about all matters being established by two or three witnesses popped into my head.
I have hope this month! Hope.... hummm... I really like that name ;-)
It's all good! - Will Work for Jesus MONDAYS
Will Work for Jesus Mondays
Colossians 3:23-24 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
It was a great day! I spent a lot of time this morning repeating the Colossians 3:23-24 verse before walking into the high school where I work because on Saturday we used the whole school to host a speech and debate tournament, and I dreaded the complaints I was sure would overwhelm me upon entering the building.
We had over 200 students and 80 adults from 20 different high schools in the state at our school! When we did this last year, I got yelled at by the home ec teacher for a messy room, pulled out of my class by administration for graffiti on the back of the building, and got countless nasty e-mails about how the garbage in the rooms hadn't been emptied.
However this Monday after the tournament, I had only one mad teacher and a few tiny concerns. Other than that, everyone was very nice! And to make Monday even better, the profit for our team from this tournament should be over $3,000.00!!!! I'm a happy coach!
I can't testify enough about how awesome it is to feel great again about walking into work! And I know it's all because of the time I spend meditating on the verse from Colossians. It helps me to put EVERYTHING into perspective - what I'm teaching, how much I'm getting (or not) graded, my responsibilities to the speech team, my relationships with my co-workers. I would highly suggest trying out a few Will Work For Jesus MONDAYS!
And yet, I miss you so much Angel Baby! I have those quiet moments where I wish I was half way through a pregnancy and going to have you in my arms soon. I know you are perfectly happy in the arms of our savior; however, I can't help but be selfish and want you here with us. I can't help but want your sister to be excited that you'll be out of my tummy - for daddy to hold you - for me to love and adore you. YOU ARE GREATLY MISSED!
~ love your momma
Sick and TTC
So, we're really not TTC (trying to conceive) this month. I wanted to take a break from that. However, we were together near the day of estimated ovulation suggested by ferilityfriend.com - mostly because a part of me can't at least allow for God to have a window of blessing open to me, if His timing fits here even though mine doesn't.
Anyway, I don't imagine I'm pregnant after one time together, but that is all it takes... one time...
So this poses a problem... I'm sick. Well, I have this cough and congestion that is kicking my butt and almost totally taken away my voice today. I'm about to take a nap, but I'd like to take something for this cough!
I just don't know what to take?! What does one take when you're not on birth control and have been together with the significant other near estimated ovulation so there is chance - albeit a VERY slim one - that you could be pregnant?
I don't even think I'm going to ovulate this month.
Day 15 was the suggested day of ovulation, but there's been no spike and/or a sustained thermal shift. Maybe my cough and overall feeling of ickyness right now is contributing to this?
Anyway, I need sleep. Guess I'll just wait this cough out...
Anyway, I don't imagine I'm pregnant after one time together, but that is all it takes... one time...
So this poses a problem... I'm sick. Well, I have this cough and congestion that is kicking my butt and almost totally taken away my voice today. I'm about to take a nap, but I'd like to take something for this cough!
I just don't know what to take?! What does one take when you're not on birth control and have been together with the significant other near estimated ovulation so there is chance - albeit a VERY slim one - that you could be pregnant?
I don't even think I'm going to ovulate this month.
Anyway, I need sleep. Guess I'll just wait this cough out...
Fantastic!
Yeah for this Australia station covering the issue of miscarriage!
Come on America - get a clue!
Come on America - get a clue!
I don't believe in coincidences!
**slowly raises her hand and says**... "Hello. My name is Jamie, and I write in my bible." **runs away to hide behind her desk and then peeks over it to see your reaction**
LOL - Sorry, but I know some people would consider writing in a bible a sin, and I thought I'd take a minute to have fun with that. hehe ((boy, I probably shouldn't have typed that)) **cue conviction by Holy Spirit**
;-)
Anyway, there is a point to this post - go with me there, please. This morning during my quiet time, the miscarriage and pregnancy loss bible study I'm exploring took me to Psalms 30:11-12
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever.
Next to these verses I had marked a date... 11-4-09. I quickly realized, whoa, today is 11-4-10. A year ago to the exact day I had read these verses and taken note of it!
Now, I don't believe in coincidence, so I prayed, "Lord, what are you trying to say to me?!"
And I think He answered me. I could see me a year ago praying after reading these verses, "God, no matter what may come my way in life, I will always praise you! No matter what!!"
And then we lost our Angel Baby. A test of my faith. Because I did wail, and I did feel uncomfortable with life as if in sackcloth, and my heart was silent to God for awhile. However, I'm thankful to report that by the power of His spirit, I did not stay there! This verse rings with truth!! He did turn my wailing into dancing, and clothe me with joy, and put a new song in my heart to sing!
Don't get me wrong - I still grieve the loss of our Angel Baby - I've learned I need to do that - but I've also seen God do amazing things in me and my life because of that sorrow. I need to praise and thank Him for that! Only God could get beauty from ashes. I can't explain it anymore than that...
Anyway, wasn't that cool!? Our God is sooooo good!
LOL - Sorry, but I know some people would consider writing in a bible a sin, and I thought I'd take a minute to have fun with that. hehe ((boy, I probably shouldn't have typed that)) **cue conviction by Holy Spirit**
;-)
Anyway, there is a point to this post - go with me there, please. This morning during my quiet time, the miscarriage and pregnancy loss bible study I'm exploring took me to Psalms 30:11-12
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever.
Next to these verses I had marked a date... 11-4-09. I quickly realized, whoa, today is 11-4-10. A year ago to the exact day I had read these verses and taken note of it!
Now, I don't believe in coincidence, so I prayed, "Lord, what are you trying to say to me?!"
And I think He answered me. I could see me a year ago praying after reading these verses, "God, no matter what may come my way in life, I will always praise you! No matter what!!"
And then we lost our Angel Baby. A test of my faith. Because I did wail, and I did feel uncomfortable with life as if in sackcloth, and my heart was silent to God for awhile. However, I'm thankful to report that by the power of His spirit, I did not stay there! This verse rings with truth!! He did turn my wailing into dancing, and clothe me with joy, and put a new song in my heart to sing!
Don't get me wrong - I still grieve the loss of our Angel Baby - I've learned I need to do that - but I've also seen God do amazing things in me and my life because of that sorrow. I need to praise and thank Him for that! Only God could get beauty from ashes. I can't explain it anymore than that...
Anyway, wasn't that cool!? Our God is sooooo good!
to try or not to try, that is the question
Well, this month's fertile window is now upon us.
Been charting (maybe a dip in that this morning)... been using OPKs (all negative so far)...
I dunno what I want to do at this point - if I want to do anything at this point.
I have this darn cough that won't quit! It tires me out. I can't hardly think!
I've got a lot to do the rest of this week - fieltrip tomorrow with my public speaking kidos, and Friday set up for the Saturday speech and debate tournament that we throw at our high school. Busy Busy Busy next few days.
Trying to conceive in the midst of all this - not really a priority. And I'm kinda glad I'm not obsessing about trying to catch this month's egg. Don't get me wrong - we'll try - once - maybe twice. But that's all.
If I do get prego this month, it'll be a God thing. Not that it isn't ever a God thing to get pregnant. It's always Him who gives life... and takes it away...
A little tid bit to end this very random and pointless post - If I were to conceive this month, the baby would be due in July, on my birthday. On the day we saw my Angel Baby's heart beating... and knew that something wasn't quite right with him/her. Yeah, that day.
So BFP would signal a nice birthday present for me next year; at least, a better one than I got this year.
Been charting (maybe a dip in that this morning)... been using OPKs (all negative so far)...
I dunno what I want to do at this point - if I want to do anything at this point.
I have this darn cough that won't quit! It tires me out. I can't hardly think!
I've got a lot to do the rest of this week - fieltrip tomorrow with my public speaking kidos, and Friday set up for the Saturday speech and debate tournament that we throw at our high school. Busy Busy Busy next few days.
Trying to conceive in the midst of all this - not really a priority. And I'm kinda glad I'm not obsessing about trying to catch this month's egg. Don't get me wrong - we'll try - once - maybe twice. But that's all.
If I do get prego this month, it'll be a God thing. Not that it isn't ever a God thing to get pregnant. It's always Him who gives life... and takes it away...
A little tid bit to end this very random and pointless post - If I were to conceive this month, the baby would be due in July, on my birthday. On the day we saw my Angel Baby's heart beating... and knew that something wasn't quite right with him/her. Yeah, that day.
So BFP would signal a nice birthday present for me next year; at least, a better one than I got this year.
SMILE!
Today was another great day at work. So in honor of that great day, I think I'll post some great things that have happened to me lately.
First, halloween at my mother-in-law's was great! Trunk-or-Treat at their church was awesome. They cooked some wonderful food - YUMMM - and while Poppa was outside rolling Beth in the wagon, Nonna shared something absolutely B E A U T I F U L!
I mean, this just has to be about one of the nicest pregnancy loss gestures EVER!
She put together a scrapbook of my miscarriage journey.
Inside this booklet are pages that contain most of my blog entries with pictures of angels and babies or poems about pregnancy loss. On this page down below, I took a photo of my favorite page - it has pics of what my baby looked like when I lost him/her.
I'm telling you! I couldn't be more moved by this gesture!! My Angel Baby meant so much to her too; the loss affected her as well. And she shared that with us.
I couldn't be more blessed! I have the best in-laws to go along with the best husband of all :-)
First, halloween at my mother-in-law's was great! Trunk-or-Treat at their church was awesome. They cooked some wonderful food - YUMMM - and while Poppa was outside rolling Beth in the wagon, Nonna shared something absolutely B E A U T I F U L!
I mean, this just has to be about one of the nicest pregnancy loss gestures EVER!
She put together a scrapbook of my miscarriage journey.
Inside this booklet are pages that contain most of my blog entries with pictures of angels and babies or poems about pregnancy loss. On this page down below, I took a photo of my favorite page - it has pics of what my baby looked like when I lost him/her.
I'm telling you! I couldn't be more moved by this gesture!! My Angel Baby meant so much to her too; the loss affected her as well. And she shared that with us.
I couldn't be more blessed! I have the best in-laws to go along with the best husband of all :-)
Another great thing... I went with my daughter to the dollar store today to get a few things - OPKs included ;-) - and we stumbled down the baby isle. She saw some tiny shirts and said, "This could fit my baby doll, Mommy." I said yes, but your dolls don't need any more clothes right now. To which she replied, "Well, we can get that after God puts the baby in your tummy."
She makes me smile! You'd almost think she's just as obsessed with me conceiving as I am!! And I swear people, I DO NOT TALK WITH HER ABOUT HAVING ANOTHER BABY! EVER!! These comments have got to be messages from God...
((cue relaxed sigh)) Good day. Now if I could just lose this nagging cough, I'd be perfect ;-) Nahhh - perfection? Not in this life.
Will Work for Jesus MONDAY
I'm starting a new blog tradition - I'm excited about this!!!
On other blogs I've seen Monday themes for posts such as McFatty Monday (I love this one) or Miscellany Monday and so on... Well, I'm gonna start a Monday theme! Sadly, there is no alliteration invovled, but it's an important themed day nonethelss.
On other blogs I've seen Monday themes for posts such as McFatty Monday (I love this one) or Miscellany Monday and so on... Well, I'm gonna start a Monday theme! Sadly, there is no alliteration invovled, but it's an important themed day nonethelss.
Will Work for Jesus Mondays
Colossians 3:23-24 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Now I mentioned in my previous blog entry that I was going to take the above verse and put in my car and my classroom, and I was going to say it before I went into the school, during my planning, and during my lunch. Well, I did it! ((I sound like a two year old, and yes, I'm that proud!))
It made a huge difference in my day! Praying this scripture put me at ease... It helped me keep an eye open and look for moments to minister to others. And when stress walked in my classroom, I smiled and replied to it's demands, "I'll do the best I can!" Because I'm serving the Lord :-D
And that's what I did today - my best. In teaching, in conversing with others, and in planning. Tomorrow is a teacher work day. I'm planning on getting A LOT done, working and planning and grading for Jesus ;-)
I love God's word!
Hope you all had a Happy Halloween! Costumes and Candy!!!
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