35 Weeks

35 Weeks Prego

After my ordeal this past Friday, I am feeling much better!  Thank you for all the concerned and encouraging comments.  The bleeding has stopped - took 2 more days - and the $90 cream crazy doctor wrote me a script for is really good.  Also, I've been - TMI - going #2 more regularly.  That certainly helps ;-)

As you can see from the above pic, I'm bigger than ever.  As my friend at Not Super, Just Mom reminds me, I'm growing a human, so I won't complain about how big I am... right now ;-)

Something else you can see from this photo according to my sister- I'm tired!  And it's more than that, it's ... I don't know the word!  After Friday, that tachycardia I was previously diagnosed with has gotten MUCH worse.  It is frequently hard to breathe, and at the same time, I can feel my heart struggling to jump out of my chest. 

However, I can't slow down too much.  I have slowed down, but I have a four year old who doesn't want to sit at home all day on the couch!  And quite frankly, neither do I.  As a result, I struggle to find simple things we can do together that won't stress me out too much.  Today, the plan is to hit the YMCA for swimming.  The great thing about this is that the prego belly doesn't feel so heavy in the water. :-)  The bad thing about this is getting there with all the STUFF you take with you when you are going swimming is not exactly relaxing.   :- ( 

But, I gotta try!  I can't stay in this house all day!  If I were to try to do that, it would mean having to watch Barbie Island Princess again and again and again and again - we watched it 3 times yesterday!

Ya'll, I'm seriously going to compel my doctor to move up my scheduled c-section at my appointment this Friday.  I can't wait until July 25th to have this baby!  A whole other month of not being able to breathe, rapid heart beat, fighting constipation and hemorrhoids. Oh, and heartburn! Yesterday, I did nap a bit on the second viewing of the Barbie movie only to be jolted awake by vomit in my mouth and nose.  How do you vomit while sleeping, you ask?  Well, I don't know, but I did! 

I just can't do this too much longer.  I constantly worry about this baby.  She wiggles and squirms so much more than Beth ever did, I worry that her cord will wrap around her and.... well, you get the picture.    Also, I've taken so many more drugs during this pregnancy than I ever did with Beth, I worry about how that is affecting Hannah too.  Mind you, they are all approved drugs - zantex, Tylenol, now ambien.  However, I declined everything they ever tried to give me when I was prego with Beth, but with Hannah, I'm weak and weary.  I just take it when they give it to me.

Okay, well, I'm gonna stop stressing now and go do the dishes.  I'm forever grateful you all listen to my complaints and whatnot.  It does help, a bit, to write it all out.

35 weeks and counting!

it has been one of the worst days of my life

Get ready for TMI!  It's that, or leave now and never satiate your curiosity as to why this was one of the worst days I've experienced in my short 34 years.

I woke up this morning with bleeding from my bottom. 

I pee'd; I wiped; I fell into shock as blood (clots and all) came forth.

I called my doctor's answering service, and they got my doctor on the phone.  It was obvious I had awoken her from sleep.  Anyway, she didn't seem too concerned about the bleeding as it didn't sound like THAT much.  She said it sounded as if one of my many hemorrohids - oh, the joys of pregnancy - had a tear in it.  She said I should lay down and relax.  The bleeding should stop on its own.

So, I did that.  And Michael left for work - said he'd only take a half day and then come home.

Beth finally woke up; I got her breakfast.  Then my awesome child sat and played for an hour straight while I took a snooze.

I awoke having to pee again.  I pee'd; I wiped; and to my horror, double if not triple the amount of blood rushed forth!  To top that off, I had the urge to finally - after 3 or more days - go poop.  I tried, and the only thing that came out of my rectum - sorry for the TMI ya'll - was blood.  A fountain of blood.

I went into panic mode!  I had to get to the doctor!! NOW!!!  But, what to do with the child?!  I didn't want to scare her, but this couldn't be good!!!  Right?!

So she's been dying to go play with her friends at the daycare lately, and that popped into my head - THE DAYCARE!  I got ready, got her ready, got her some more food cause she was still hungry, and  I rushed over to her daycare. 

I LOVE those people!  Without hesitation, they took her back to her friends quickly as I broke down and explained that I needed to see a doctor NOW and didn't know where else to turn.  They took her, and I knew she'd have a great time.  I didn't have to worry about my Beth - PRAISE GOD!

Well, at that time, I'm bleeding more, and I'm starting to have AWFUL pains - TERRIBLE!  I don't know how I made it all the way to the city - 45 mins. away - to the doctor's office, but I got there.

I got there, and the doctor could do nothing for me.  She looked at my bottom, saw that it was beyond her skill to solve my problem, to ease my pain, to ANYTHING, and then referred me to a colon and rectal specialist just up the street.  A specialist who could see me in TWO HOURS!  Ugh!!

By then, the pain was unbearable.  All my Dr. B could do was lay me on my side, call to make the appointment for me, and let me stay at her office until appointment time.

I stayed, for an hour, then left - eager to get to the specialist.  I got there for my 2:00 appointment in immense pain, bleeding had slowed but my bottom felt like a knife was shoved up it!  Sorry, but that's what it felt like. 

Anyway,  the doctor didn't get in until 3:15.  During that wait time, Nurse Megan - God bless her - got me back to lie down, so at least I wasn't sitting.  When the doctor arrived, my nightmare REALLY began...

She was VERY short with me!  She walks in, no smile, no hello - that I remember - and asks, "What's wrong?"

I explain what happened to me this morning.  The bleeding, the hemorrhoids, the inability to poop, THE PAIN!

All that gets met with a call for Nurse Megan to prep me for examination. Then... the doctor returned with another doctor...  She didn't say a word to me.  She just stuck her finger forcefully up my rectum and began to push and pull like I never thought you could do to some one's behind and still have a behind left!!!!

She says during this, "Oh, no wonder you hurt!  There's a lot up here, and it's hard as stone!  I'll break it up for you!"

And that's when my tears started, and I couldn't stop crying!  It felt like she was carving a pumpkin - my bottom the pumpkin and her finger the knife!  It was that forceful, ya'll!!!!  And all this while, she ignores my cries of pain.  She just whispers I don't know what to the other doctor watching her actions.

When she's done, she says, "There!  That should help you out. I got some of it, but you should be able to pass the rest on your own.  Get dressed.  Talk to you in a minute."  She exits.

She says all this as I'm hysterically crying and Nurse Megan - God bless her - is trying to calm me down with tissues and her sweet voice, "Just breathe.  It's okay.  Take your time.  Relax."  Then she exits.

And I am left there feeling as if I've just been beaten and left for dead.

Finally, I compose myself, and the doctor re-enters.  Perhaps she is conscious of how much pain she caused me because she enters and says sorry for hurting me.  She gives me a few "doctor's orders"  and a perscription and exits again.

I was so taken aback that all I could do was nod my head.  Then drive home in tears.  And in pain.  Because she didn't remove all the hard stool - and I had an hour's drive home in city traffic.

I've since been home now for 3 hours and have passed - PAINFULLY - the rest of what she left in there. I'm on bed rest for a day or two - mean doctor's orders.  And although my pain has subsided, my emotional pain from the day is still strong.  So much so, my heart won't stop beating so hard and I'm struggling to breathe. 

I need sleep!  Restful sleep!  Please pray I'm able to recover from this because right now I feel like CRAP.

Um - no - no pun intended. :-(

double bummer

Well, today I had an interesting doctor's appointment, to say the least!

I got in quickly and out quickly because the doctor needed to rush across to the hospital for an emergency.

But before she left my room, she asked if I'd been feeling okay.  I said things were good with the exception of the shortness of breath in the mornings.  I can wear myself out taking a shower, putting on clothes, and adding a little makeup.  Most days lately, I have to sit down to complete this process.

Well, she took my pulse and said I was tachycardic.  That's fancy for "your heart is racing too fast and feels like it's gonna jump outta your chest." ;-)

So she had me go see a cardiologist to evaluate how much strain my heart was taking on due to the pregnancy and whether or not the baby needed to come earlier than our scheduled c-section date of July 25th. 

He was concerned that I was experiencing something like this with Hannah and hadn't with Beth, so he did an echo to check the heart.  Turns out, it looks good.  My heart murmur is still there but is functioning like it always does.

He believes my body is under a lot of stress due to pregnancy weight gain and possibly pregnancy sleep apnea. 

So doctor's orders?  I'm to chill!  I need to elevate myself when I sleep and during the day take things slowly.  If the tachycardia gets worse, it's up to the OB/GYN to make the call on whether we need to take Hannah sooner.

Chill.  Almost impossible with a four year old to watch over, but hey, I'll try! ;-) 

Basically, I feel tired and winded most days with a side of heartburn. Exciting. 

Now the doctor wants to see me once a week until delivery.  And this is where I regret keeping the same doctor I had deliver Beth as her new office is an hour away from where I live.  But I only regret it a little, cause I love her. hehe

Anyway, the second bummer to my double bummer post is the fact that I didn't win the new playground but a lady I know from my church did.   :-(   DANG IT!  I could have really used a playground in my backyard now... Oh, well... What's meant to be will be.

Now, where's my ice cream...?

something different

Okay, I'm gonna step away from venting for right now. Can't promise I won't return to venting, but as Joanna pointed out to me, this - my current physical reality - is temporary.  I will one day feel like myself again.  I just need to deal and leave it at that.  Thx Joanna!

So!  Something different... I wrote something for a contest I entered on 104.7 The Fish - Contemporary Christian radio station.  They're giving away a free playground/swingset!  All I had to do was write about my most memorable experience on a playground.  Hopefully, they'll love it, and I'll win!  They announce the winner Friday.

The hardest part in writing this was composing it in 100 words or less!  So, I wrote something up that is way over 100 words, and I'll post that here.  If you can believe it, I was able to get this down to exactly 100 words before I submitted it.  Anyway, all this is in the hopes that I will win the swingset pictured below.  Beth would LOVE IT as she LOVES to swing.  And mommy would love it as it would be something else to do in the back yard while I progressively get bigger and more uncomfortable.  We would purchase something like this, but they are soooo expensive!!!  Anyway, here's the pic and my entry.  Enjoy!

The swing.  A very simple invention, true; however, when you're eight, it's more of a mode of transportation.

Like a good book, a swing can take you wherever you want to go!  I would often run to the nearby park just to hop on a swing and fly through the air for hours and hours.  It was a way to escape to places I would never see - places like galaxies far, far away or lands where everyone lives happily ever after.

My favorite, and most painful, memory of being at the playground and swinging on the beloved swing involves pretending I was Dorothy and a tornado was coming to take me to the land of Oz. 

You know what's coming next, don't you?

That day, I sat on the swing and began to twist myself around and around and around and... You get the picture.  When I - "Dorothy" - saw the tornado nearing, I stopped my twisting and let the swing loose!  I screamed with delight as the "tornado" picked me up and spun me around toward the land of Oz.  Then, I screamed again. This time in pain.  You would have thought I had seen the Wicked Witch herself!  However, I was screaming because my long hair had just become entangled in the “tornado”.

Needless to say, I left a good chunk of my blond locks in Oz that day, and you would think I would never venture on another expedition via my precious swing ever again.  But if you supposed that, you would be wrong.  I did continue to visit my playground swing and transport to places unknown on wild adventures, as I do now with my four-year-old daughter - just not via "tornadoes" anymore.

Warning - pregnant woman venting

First, let me apologize to those reading - and who continue reading this - that are in the midst of TTC and would do anything and endure anything right now to be where I am currently - 33 weeks pregnant.  I've been there.  TTC and urning for that urge to vomit that may signal the start of a new life growing inside me...  I hope and pray daily you get what you want!  Especially if you are a BLM and TTC! 

Anyway, so if you currently can't stand to hear a pregnant person whine about her aches and pains, now is the time to click away from this post. 

I'm sorry, but I have to do this...

Seriously, I'm about to let it all out.  CLICK.  AWAY.

Here goes.... I can't breathe people!!!!  HELP!    Why does breathing have to be so hard?!?!?!  It makes everything else hard - like walking and talking.  Two things I kinda like to do! 

I feel all... bloated and useless.  I feel like I'm robing Beth of a better summer vacation.  I feel like I'm robing my husband of his wife.  Like I'm robing me of me!

I want ME back!

All this makes it very hard to bond with Hannah right now. I just want her out so I can start to figure out a new normal which includes two children instead of one - whoa, and that alone blows my mind! 

I guess I just like to be productive, and I hate it that I just can't right now.  I can't.  I hate waiting.  HATE! IT!

I need to go get that book, Pregnancy Sucks:  What to do when your miracle makes you miserable.

 Now, I'm hungry.  Again.  Gotta go. More vent later.  Possibly about how I was up every 30 mins last night with the urge to walk around the house.  Yeah...

Summer Time

My summer has begun!  Last day of post-planning was yesterday.

That means, my maternity leave has begun!!

I won't be back to work until the last Monday in September!!!!  Whooo hooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

So what's the first thing I did today?  I had my carpets cleaned! 

Ya'll, they REALLY needed it!  And in the process, I've uncovered a lot of things that REALLY need cleaning before I bring a new baby in this house.  It's gonna be a busy summer.

But I'm determined to make it a relaxing summer as well.  Pool time. Movie time. Library time. NAP TIME!  All these things are on the agenda!

It's my last summer where it will be just Beth and me.  That's sad and exciting.  I want to be sure to make this summer a great one with her while preparing for Hannah.

Hannah is great!  I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and every two weeks after that for June.  Then it's every week in July.  However, I don't need a doctor to tell me that she's doing just fine.  Hannah does that a lot! 

THIS CHILD MOVES!  MUCHO!!  :-)  Beth never moved around that much in me... at least, not that I remember.

Anyway, besides heartburn, braxton hix, and being, in general, very uncomfortable - life is good.

Hope all is well with you and yours!

(((hugz)))