Today, Hannah was dedicated, and it was beautiful!
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| On stage, getting ready to pray for Hannah. |
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| After the dedication. |
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| In her dedication outfit. |
in dedication
In the Southern Baptist church, we "dedicate" our babies. We don't practice infant baptism, but instead we welcome children into the world by simply bringing them before the church and praying for them. Essentially, the prayer is that they will one day come to chose Christ as their personal Lord and Savior and always walk in His ways.
Today, Hannah was dedicated, and it was beautiful!
Dear Lord, Please watch over my little blessing! Thank you for giving her into my care. Holy Spirit please guide her into a saving relationship with you one day. May she always strive to walk in Your ways and to please and honor You! I know you have special plans for this rainbow. I praise you for all you've done for us and her. AMEN
Today, Hannah was dedicated, and it was beautiful!
in honor and in loving memory
Today, our family placed these flowers at the alter of our church:
As for us, we took three of the roses from the arrangement - one for each of our children - and placed them next to Angel's memory box. I lit the candle today in memory of our dear baby.
Today, I feel complete having done this.
Today, I feel at peace.
Praying you will feel the same at some point after your loss.
(((hugz)))
The church bulletin read... Today's alter flowers are placed in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and in loving memory of all the babies awaiting us in heaven someday including Angel Baby Wills. Placed by Michael, Jamie, Beth and Hannah Wills.
I've requested that the flowers be taken to the local hospital and given to a mom who has just suffered a loss. However, if - praise God - there is no one who has suffered a loss, I asked that they be given to the nurses on the maternity floor as we all know what a God send they can be when you hit that dark time of loss.
As for us, we took three of the roses from the arrangement - one for each of our children - and placed them next to Angel's memory box. I lit the candle today in memory of our dear baby.
Today, I feel complete having done this.
Today, I feel at peace.
Praying you will feel the same at some point after your loss.
(((hugz)))
missing three
It's pregnancy and infant loss awareness day - really, the whole month is dedicated to this, but tonight is special.
I set the alarm on my cell phone so I would remember to light a candle for our Angel at 7pm to participate in the international wave of light - I wrote about that in my previous post if you aren't familar with it and would like to know more about it.
Right now, I'm watching the light dance against the wall next to Angel's memorial box - the one with his/her ultrasound pics. It's quiet.... almost time for me to hit the sack...
Yesterday, as I was thinking about lighting the candle tonight, I was pretty emotional. Michael wasn't yet home from being out of town for work all week, and the girls were sound asleep. I got to thinking what life would have been like with three children instead of two. I never thought I wanted more than two children - I never thought God wanted us to have more than two children - but last night... Oh, how I longed to be a family with three kidos.
Really, my feelings about us only ever having two children have ALWAYS been very strong. We waited to have children until I was 29, and then I knew I didn't want to try to have anymore past age 35. I wanted to space the two out so that I could really enjoy the first baby, and also so that the first baby would be old enough to enjoy the second with me. (Really naive of me to think I could plan this way, but....)
I had a plan.
However, God had another plan.
I have three babies. Beth Grace, Hannah Faith, and Angel Baby.
And tonight, I am missing having all three here with me safe and sound.
I'm remembering my Angel tonight. And yours!
(((hugz)))
Jamie
I set the alarm on my cell phone so I would remember to light a candle for our Angel at 7pm to participate in the international wave of light - I wrote about that in my previous post if you aren't familar with it and would like to know more about it.
Right now, I'm watching the light dance against the wall next to Angel's memorial box - the one with his/her ultrasound pics. It's quiet.... almost time for me to hit the sack...
Yesterday, as I was thinking about lighting the candle tonight, I was pretty emotional. Michael wasn't yet home from being out of town for work all week, and the girls were sound asleep. I got to thinking what life would have been like with three children instead of two. I never thought I wanted more than two children - I never thought God wanted us to have more than two children - but last night... Oh, how I longed to be a family with three kidos.
Really, my feelings about us only ever having two children have ALWAYS been very strong. We waited to have children until I was 29, and then I knew I didn't want to try to have anymore past age 35. I wanted to space the two out so that I could really enjoy the first baby, and also so that the first baby would be old enough to enjoy the second with me. (Really naive of me to think I could plan this way, but....)
I had a plan.
However, God had another plan.
I have three babies. Beth Grace, Hannah Faith, and Angel Baby.
And tonight, I am missing having all three here with me safe and sound.
I'm remembering my Angel tonight. And yours!
(((hugz)))
Jamie
3 Months
Mary - Your 2 months old post about your rainbow inspired my post :-)
Heeeeerrrrre's Hannah Faith - 3 months old!
I am blessed! She's down for the night by 9pm and only gets up to feed once at around 3pm. She's a good, sweet baby!!
Happy 3 months, Hannah Faith!
Heeeeerrrrre's Hannah Faith - 3 months old!
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| This is Hannah in her spirit t-shirt for her daycare's spirit day. She has been to daycare now for one week! |
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| Daddy, big sis Beth, Hannah, and Beth's bed time bear (that she's had since she was 3 months old :-) |
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| She loves to "stand" on her feet. I have a happy baby, ya'll! So smiley!!! |
Happy 3 months, Hannah Faith!
peace
I've got that peace I prayed for - and largely it's because of those of you who commented on my previous post entitled "conflicted".
We decided to place alter flowers at the church in honor of our Angel and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Sadly, October 16th was already taken by someone else, so we'll have them placed on October 23rd. But, that's okay.
I think I've found this new way of honoring our Angel - all our angels! - and raising awareness. A way to honor this month that is soooo important! It makes me feel good. I've got tears in my eyes, but they are tears of joy. Joy - that God is so good to me when I fall so short on a daily basis of being all I could be for Him. I love my God - my Jesus!!!
So every October, I will participate in raising awareness and honoring our Angel - all our angels - by placing flowers at the alter in our church.
And also, on October 15th, I will participate in the international wave of light. Check out that link for more information.
This is good. This is right.
:-)
We decided to place alter flowers at the church in honor of our Angel and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Sadly, October 16th was already taken by someone else, so we'll have them placed on October 23rd. But, that's okay.
I think I've found this new way of honoring our Angel - all our angels! - and raising awareness. A way to honor this month that is soooo important! It makes me feel good. I've got tears in my eyes, but they are tears of joy. Joy - that God is so good to me when I fall so short on a daily basis of being all I could be for Him. I love my God - my Jesus!!!
So every October, I will participate in raising awareness and honoring our Angel - all our angels - by placing flowers at the alter in our church.
And also, on October 15th, I will participate in the international wave of light. Check out that link for more information.
This is good. This is right.
:-)
Courageous
Just got back from having a date night with hubby and some of our peeps from Sunday school.
(FYI - The entry that I posted on Sunday I wrote on Saturday morning, and this post I wrote Saturday night. I've used the "schedule your post" option for my blog - first time ever ;-)
((I've just been in the mood to journal/blog today and didn't want to publish them all on one day!))
Anyway, I can't tell you how AWESOME the movie Courageous is. We went to see that tonight, and it's... just... life changing.
I laughed. I wept. I laughed some more. I wept some more.
And I left the theatre feeling emotionally drained and empowered all at the same time!
EVERYONE should see this movie! Here's the trailer...
The movie's theme centers around dads stepping up and being the fathers and husbands that they should be! Oh, how I wish my father would have stepped up for us. It's one of my greatest sorrows. Yet, one of my greatest joys is that I have a husband who is willing to do that and is that for me and my daughters.
In fact, he surprised me tonight.
Driving home, he said out of the blue, "Did you think of our Angel on August 5th?"
I could hardly speak! I had spent that day alone with Hannah on maternity leave. I blogged about it here. I had lit a candle for our Angel, but I had thought that Michael had forgotten the date...
I stammered, "Yes. I lit the candle for our Angel that day." Then I asked, "If you remembered, why didn't you say anything?!"
He said he didn't know if I had remembered, and so he didn't want to bring up something so painful.
We talked about our Angel. We haven't done that together in a long time! I told him I remembered on my birthday and will most likely always remember our Angel on my birthday - the day we found out something was wrong. And then I'll always remember August 5th.
Tonight was special - because after watching a movie about fathers loving their children, my husband wanted to talk about our Angel.
I love him.
(FYI - The entry that I posted on Sunday I wrote on Saturday morning, and this post I wrote Saturday night. I've used the "schedule your post" option for my blog - first time ever ;-)
((I've just been in the mood to journal/blog today and didn't want to publish them all on one day!))
Anyway, I can't tell you how AWESOME the movie Courageous is. We went to see that tonight, and it's... just... life changing.
I laughed. I wept. I laughed some more. I wept some more.
And I left the theatre feeling emotionally drained and empowered all at the same time!
EVERYONE should see this movie! Here's the trailer...
The movie's theme centers around dads stepping up and being the fathers and husbands that they should be! Oh, how I wish my father would have stepped up for us. It's one of my greatest sorrows. Yet, one of my greatest joys is that I have a husband who is willing to do that and is that for me and my daughters.
In fact, he surprised me tonight.
Driving home, he said out of the blue, "Did you think of our Angel on August 5th?"
I could hardly speak! I had spent that day alone with Hannah on maternity leave. I blogged about it here. I had lit a candle for our Angel, but I had thought that Michael had forgotten the date...
I stammered, "Yes. I lit the candle for our Angel that day." Then I asked, "If you remembered, why didn't you say anything?!"
He said he didn't know if I had remembered, and so he didn't want to bring up something so painful.
We talked about our Angel. We haven't done that together in a long time! I told him I remembered on my birthday and will most likely always remember our Angel on my birthday - the day we found out something was wrong. And then I'll always remember August 5th.
Tonight was special - because after watching a movie about fathers loving their children, my husband wanted to talk about our Angel.
I love him.
conflicted
I have to make a decision that I keep putting off.
Last year on October 15th, I went to the Zoe Rose Remembrance Memorial in honor of our Angel Baby.
This year... I want to go again, and then again, I don't.
I think if I had some ladies to go again with me like I did last year, I'd go. I have some that I could ask - including the same ones who went with me last year. The question is, why don't I ask?!
I don't know - I'm just so confused! My emotions on this topic right now are... humm.. well, no better word comes to mind - they're confused!
I think I would just like to stay at home and light the candle next to the memorial box for our Angel at 7pm - the time all BLM (baby loss mommas) from around the world light candles for their lost angels.
Yet, there is something else that compels me to do something more...
I've thought of contacting the church and buying the alter flowers for that Sunday, Oct. 16th and having them placed in honor and memory of our Angel and all those with children awaiting them in heaven. It would raise awareness of the fact that this is Pregnancy and Early Infant Loss Awareness Month.
I just haven't done it yet. ... I haven't done anything. And while I want - NEED - to do something, I don't know what or how to get myself moving in that direction!
Let me correct myself; I did do one thing. A candle will be lit in honor of our Angel at the Zoe Rose Remembrance Service. I did send an e-mail requesting that. And a few other BLMs have sent me requests and/or offers to do something this month in honor of our Angel. And let me just say, that REALLY touched my heart! THANK YOU!!!
However, should I do more? More than those things and my own lighting?
I wanna say yes, but I don't know what... how...
Pray that God will speak to me regarding this and that I'll get a peace as to what more I should do - IF I should do more.
Thanks!
((hugz))
Last year on October 15th, I went to the Zoe Rose Remembrance Memorial in honor of our Angel Baby.
This year... I want to go again, and then again, I don't.
I think if I had some ladies to go again with me like I did last year, I'd go. I have some that I could ask - including the same ones who went with me last year. The question is, why don't I ask?!
I don't know - I'm just so confused! My emotions on this topic right now are... humm.. well, no better word comes to mind - they're confused!
I think I would just like to stay at home and light the candle next to the memorial box for our Angel at 7pm - the time all BLM (baby loss mommas) from around the world light candles for their lost angels.
Yet, there is something else that compels me to do something more...
I've thought of contacting the church and buying the alter flowers for that Sunday, Oct. 16th and having them placed in honor and memory of our Angel and all those with children awaiting them in heaven. It would raise awareness of the fact that this is Pregnancy and Early Infant Loss Awareness Month.
I just haven't done it yet. ... I haven't done anything. And while I want - NEED - to do something, I don't know what or how to get myself moving in that direction!
Let me correct myself; I did do one thing. A candle will be lit in honor of our Angel at the Zoe Rose Remembrance Service. I did send an e-mail requesting that. And a few other BLMs have sent me requests and/or offers to do something this month in honor of our Angel. And let me just say, that REALLY touched my heart! THANK YOU!!!
However, should I do more? More than those things and my own lighting?
I wanna say yes, but I don't know what... how...
Pray that God will speak to me regarding this and that I'll get a peace as to what more I should do - IF I should do more.
Thanks!
((hugz))
Mental Health Monday... on Friday!
Those of you that have been reading my blog since its inception will remember when I used to do a monthly mental health Monday (MHM) post. I think it only actually happened two or three times, but the whole point of MHM was to take a day off from work just to relax. A day for me. To recharge and refocus.
Well, today, I took that kind of day. It really happened on accident though...
Hannah has been super congested. And when I took her temperature the day before last, it was elevated. Not a fever, but just elevated. Anyway, Michael took her to the doctor yesterday, and she's fine - just congested. No fever, nothing in her ears or chest, just a snotty nose.
Well, I had anticipated she'd be sicker than she really was, so I got a sub lined up for today. Since she's really not sick, I was going to go in to work and send her on to daycare with Beth - mostly because they couldn't find a sub for my classes and my coworkers were going to have to cover for me if I didn't show. However, when my department head texted me last night that they had found a sub, I knew instantly - I'M STAYING HOME!!!
And so far, it's been a great decision! I've had time to feed my baby and then snuggle her - just she and I. No daddy and no big sister to bother us. I've been suckin her nose and playin with her (she's becoming so much more alert!).
I'M HAVING SO. MUCH. FUN. just holding her and singing... "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."
Also, I've been relaxing on the couch, catching up on some shows I've tivo'd. I confess - I love The Doctors :-)
I'm not taking a shower, and I'm not doing much housework - I am getting a head start on the laundry though ;-)
It's a great day people! Everyone should take a MEM ever now and then!!
Have you had a MEM lately?
undeservedly happy
I've had a full weekend - so this post is coming right before I'm about to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. :-)
Hannah goes to daycare for the first time tomorrow. I think I have all her stuff together - I'm pretty sure I do.
It's hard to explain, but I don't really feel that I'm dropping her off at daycare. I feel as if I'm dropping her off at a good friend's house. Almost like it's a relative's home, really. (And actually, Michael drops the kids off at daycare, and I pick them up ;-)
I know the ladies who own/run this daycare/preschool. They are beautiful, godly ladies! Everyone there is sooo awesome! So when people ask me how hard it is on me to have my baby there, well, it really isn't hard at all. I've already had a week at work while Michael stayed home with Hannah, and that went well.
Emotionally, I'm great!
Life - is - well - GREAT right now. :-)
I am counting my blessings, and I find myself undeservedly happy.
Hope all is well with you and yours!
((hugz))
Hannah goes to daycare for the first time tomorrow. I think I have all her stuff together - I'm pretty sure I do.
It's hard to explain, but I don't really feel that I'm dropping her off at daycare. I feel as if I'm dropping her off at a good friend's house. Almost like it's a relative's home, really. (And actually, Michael drops the kids off at daycare, and I pick them up ;-)
I know the ladies who own/run this daycare/preschool. They are beautiful, godly ladies! Everyone there is sooo awesome! So when people ask me how hard it is on me to have my baby there, well, it really isn't hard at all. I've already had a week at work while Michael stayed home with Hannah, and that went well.
Emotionally, I'm great!
Life - is - well - GREAT right now. :-)
I am counting my blessings, and I find myself undeservedly happy.
Hope all is well with you and yours!
((hugz))
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