I do not do well with chaos.
I cannot embrace it
like some say moms should.
I will not accept chaos as my reality.
I don't need perfection
but I do need routine
just as much as they say babies do
as much as they say children do.
Without it
my heart starts racing.
I get frustrated
and want to scream.
I want to be irrational
and throw a pity party
and I'll cry if I want to.
I just need to find a new normal
a rhythm.
I need to find what works for me
for them
for us.
Then I need to be flexible
but not so much it breaks my new plan.
I'll leave room for growth
but not chaos.
I'm done with that
now.
Starting tomorrow
for sure.
This poem is brought to you by an
overworked
underpaid
unappreciated
well that last one really isn't true
but it feels that way sometimes
anyway a teacher
who when she leaves work
goes home
and tries to be a mom
to an infant
and a toddler
and also tries to be a wife
and a suzy homemaker
and everything to everybody
because God has called me to this
this reality
and most days
I love it.
And others
I'm just tired.
Too tired to write prose.
So here is this
poem.
Thank you God for free verse.
chariots and horses
Psalm 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God!
In life, we trust in so many things to get us through our days. Back in "the day", soldiers trusted in their super strong chariots and horses to get them through a battle. What or who do you trust to get you through your battles?
Well, in our house, we trust in Jesus = the Lord our God!
My quiet time this morning took me back to this bible verse that I've been studying - by back I mean that in the past few days dealing with Hannah's illness, I'd not been having my morning quiet time.
It was so good to sit down this morning and commune with my God. It made me instantly want to write about it - share about it!
I LOVE MY JESUS!
I am really blessed with more than I deserve! Yet, like a good father, He gives it - blessings - anyway. Sometimes it's not all the blessings I want or I think I need, but everyday, He blesses!
Hannah is doing so much better, and I'm trusting that she will continue to do better - and if not, I'll continue to trust in my God who will get her through.
I've said it before on this blog, and I'll say it again. My rainbow has special plans from God for her life! I know it!!
Hannah's UTI seems to be gone. Her antibiotics seem to have done the trick. I go back to the doctor in two weeks for her four month check up and for the doctor to take another urine sample (via a bag and not a catheter) just to be sure the infection is really all gone.
She also has to go for a sonogram of her kidneys to see if any damage was done by the UTI - and again I say, I'm trusting in God that there isn't damage and that if there is, He has a plan for it - preferably healing ;-)
You just have to trust in God - or, as a mom, you'll go crazy!
Sometimes - with a UTI - random bacteria travels up the urethra and - BAM - you have a UTI that might never happen again. Other times, it is something called kidney reflux. However, the doctor has said that they don't do testing for that anymore until she's had at least two UTIs.
I'm trusting that there won't be anymore UTIs - I'm trusting in God, not in chariots and/or horses, so I think I'm good ;-)
I'm trusting that this week is going to go well! Problems at work will come... and they will go... as they always do, and I will continue on doing what I always do - working for the Lord.
I'm trusting that God will give me the strength to be all that I need to be at home - Michael's out of town again this week - and at my church and for my church family.
Trust - it's so freeing.
Who or what are you trusting in?
In life, we trust in so many things to get us through our days. Back in "the day", soldiers trusted in their super strong chariots and horses to get them through a battle. What or who do you trust to get you through your battles?
Well, in our house, we trust in Jesus = the Lord our God!
My quiet time this morning took me back to this bible verse that I've been studying - by back I mean that in the past few days dealing with Hannah's illness, I'd not been having my morning quiet time.
It was so good to sit down this morning and commune with my God. It made me instantly want to write about it - share about it!
I LOVE MY JESUS!
I am really blessed with more than I deserve! Yet, like a good father, He gives it - blessings - anyway. Sometimes it's not all the blessings I want or I think I need, but everyday, He blesses!
Hannah is doing so much better, and I'm trusting that she will continue to do better - and if not, I'll continue to trust in my God who will get her through.
I've said it before on this blog, and I'll say it again. My rainbow has special plans from God for her life! I know it!!
Hannah's UTI seems to be gone. Her antibiotics seem to have done the trick. I go back to the doctor in two weeks for her four month check up and for the doctor to take another urine sample (via a bag and not a catheter) just to be sure the infection is really all gone.
She also has to go for a sonogram of her kidneys to see if any damage was done by the UTI - and again I say, I'm trusting in God that there isn't damage and that if there is, He has a plan for it - preferably healing ;-)
You just have to trust in God - or, as a mom, you'll go crazy!
Sometimes - with a UTI - random bacteria travels up the urethra and - BAM - you have a UTI that might never happen again. Other times, it is something called kidney reflux. However, the doctor has said that they don't do testing for that anymore until she's had at least two UTIs.
I'm trusting that there won't be anymore UTIs - I'm trusting in God, not in chariots and/or horses, so I think I'm good ;-)
I'm trusting that this week is going to go well! Problems at work will come... and they will go... as they always do, and I will continue on doing what I always do - working for the Lord.
I'm trusting that God will give me the strength to be all that I need to be at home - Michael's out of town again this week - and at my church and for my church family.
Trust - it's so freeing.
Who or what are you trusting in?
UTI report
First, I must say thank you to my sweet bloggie friends for posting that you would pray for my Hannah Faith. I love you gals!
((((((((group hugz))))))))
I am happy to report that she is doing better. Today is the first day since Wednesday that she hasn't had a high fever. Her temp is back to normal.
It was Wednesday when the daycare called me at work and told me that Hannah had spiked a fever - then 101.1 So, I left work, got her, took her to the doctor. Doctor said it just looked like a bad cold. Nothing in her ears, nothing in her chest, and the flu test was negative. She was a bit congested, but that was all.
So, I stayed out of work with her on Thursday. Her temp was still in the 101 range, and that night she hit a temp of 103.7 and then later at 2am she hit 104.4! So, Michael stayed home with her on Friday - he was off anyway for veterans day.
He took her to the doctor again since her temps had gotten so high. I figured we were probably in for a delayed ear infection and/or maybe pneumonia... However, he called me at work later that day and told me of the ordeal he had with our baby girl...
The doctor again couldn't find anything wrong with her except the high temp and mild congestion. Evidently - I found this out after googling - when a baby has a high fever of unknown origin it often turns out to be a bladder infection - aka UTI. So in order to find out what was wrong, they had blood drawn from my baby's tiny veins at the hospital, and then they catheterized her to get a urine sample.
Ya'll, can I just say, I hated not being there for my baby - I had to work. However, I think I would have hated more seeing them do all that to my girl! Days like that are what daddies are for ;-)
Anyway, the urine sample showed white spots - an infection. Prescription = antibiotic shots in each thigh, the kind that go in slowly and painfully, and also oral antibiotics for this week.
When Michael asked how something like this happens to a baby of 4 months, the doctor replied that would be a discussion for another day - the follow up visit.
The visit I get to go to tomorrow as daddy is flying out of town for most of this next week.
Well, since I can't ever wait for answers to my questions, I googled about UTIs in infants and read some friends responses to my UTI posts on facebook. Evidently this could be some random occurrence of bacteria that traveled up Hannah's urethra to her bladder OR this could be kidney reflux (when the tubes aren't formed complete from kidneys to bladder).
The only way to find out which it is will be to catheterize Hannah again to do some kind of test. And I'm afraid they'll want to do that tomorrow when I take her, alone, by myself, without daddy. :-( Ugh!
Well, I'll let you gals know what the verdict is when I find out, but until then, please PRAY that it's not kidney reflux. If it is, evidently she'll have to be on antibiotics until she outgrows it... which could be years...
I know all this isn't the end of the world - my Jesus has Hannah in His hands - the Hands we gave her into on the day we dedicated her to Him. I'm not worried about her, not really. I guess my only real fear is that I'll have to see her in pain. And it's the worser (new word) kind of pain than when your kid gets vaccinated - and that makes me choke back tears!
I'm coveting your prayers for my baby girl!!! Keep em' coming ladies! And maybe for her momma too?
Thx! (((hugz)))
((((((((group hugz))))))))
I am happy to report that she is doing better. Today is the first day since Wednesday that she hasn't had a high fever. Her temp is back to normal.
It was Wednesday when the daycare called me at work and told me that Hannah had spiked a fever - then 101.1 So, I left work, got her, took her to the doctor. Doctor said it just looked like a bad cold. Nothing in her ears, nothing in her chest, and the flu test was negative. She was a bit congested, but that was all.
So, I stayed out of work with her on Thursday. Her temp was still in the 101 range, and that night she hit a temp of 103.7 and then later at 2am she hit 104.4! So, Michael stayed home with her on Friday - he was off anyway for veterans day.
He took her to the doctor again since her temps had gotten so high. I figured we were probably in for a delayed ear infection and/or maybe pneumonia... However, he called me at work later that day and told me of the ordeal he had with our baby girl...
The doctor again couldn't find anything wrong with her except the high temp and mild congestion. Evidently - I found this out after googling - when a baby has a high fever of unknown origin it often turns out to be a bladder infection - aka UTI. So in order to find out what was wrong, they had blood drawn from my baby's tiny veins at the hospital, and then they catheterized her to get a urine sample.
Ya'll, can I just say, I hated not being there for my baby - I had to work. However, I think I would have hated more seeing them do all that to my girl! Days like that are what daddies are for ;-)
Anyway, the urine sample showed white spots - an infection. Prescription = antibiotic shots in each thigh, the kind that go in slowly and painfully, and also oral antibiotics for this week.
When Michael asked how something like this happens to a baby of 4 months, the doctor replied that would be a discussion for another day - the follow up visit.
The visit I get to go to tomorrow as daddy is flying out of town for most of this next week.
Well, since I can't ever wait for answers to my questions, I googled about UTIs in infants and read some friends responses to my UTI posts on facebook. Evidently this could be some random occurrence of bacteria that traveled up Hannah's urethra to her bladder OR this could be kidney reflux (when the tubes aren't formed complete from kidneys to bladder).
The only way to find out which it is will be to catheterize Hannah again to do some kind of test. And I'm afraid they'll want to do that tomorrow when I take her, alone, by myself, without daddy. :-( Ugh!
Well, I'll let you gals know what the verdict is when I find out, but until then, please PRAY that it's not kidney reflux. If it is, evidently she'll have to be on antibiotics until she outgrows it... which could be years...
I know all this isn't the end of the world - my Jesus has Hannah in His hands - the Hands we gave her into on the day we dedicated her to Him. I'm not worried about her, not really. I guess my only real fear is that I'll have to see her in pain. And it's the worser (new word) kind of pain than when your kid gets vaccinated - and that makes me choke back tears!
I'm coveting your prayers for my baby girl!!! Keep em' coming ladies! And maybe for her momma too?
Thx! (((hugz)))
immediate prayer request
Hannah has an issue with her bladder.
She spiked a fever of 104.4 last night - scared me... to! death!
It was resolved with infant Tylenol, but the doctors didn't know what was causing it. They did some tests today that involved putting a catheter in my baby for a urine sample AND drawing blood at the hospital. :-(
She's four months old, ya'll!!!!
The urine showed some white spots - they are GUESSING :-( it's an infection.
She is getting a shot of antibiotics and will be on them all weekend too. We go back on Monday to see if there has been any improvement.
Please pray that the good Lord heals my baby!!!!
Thank you!
She spiked a fever of 104.4 last night - scared me... to! death!
It was resolved with infant Tylenol, but the doctors didn't know what was causing it. They did some tests today that involved putting a catheter in my baby for a urine sample AND drawing blood at the hospital. :-(
She's four months old, ya'll!!!!
The urine showed some white spots - they are GUESSING :-( it's an infection.
She is getting a shot of antibiotics and will be on them all weekend too. We go back on Monday to see if there has been any improvement.
Please pray that the good Lord heals my baby!!!!
Thank you!
Halloween
It - that weekend - was a little crazy!
Saturday, I was at a speech and debate tournament - these events always sap my energy. Sunday, we went to church and then went to a trunk-or-treat that afternoon. All that means, my housework that I usually get done on the weekend, well, a lot of it didn't get done. THEN on Halloween - Monday night after working all day - we went trick-or-treating at a friend's house.
Just typing all that made me tired!
I should have cut back on something somewhere in that weekend. Probably shouldn't have went trunk-or-treating on Sunday or trick-or-treating on Monday.
I'm learning about balance and how to achieve it in my life - it's that current weight loss bible study that I'm doing. (FYI - I've lost 20 pounds since I've started Weight Watchers and that bible study) Anyway, what I've learned is that even good things sometimes have to be cut out to maintain sanity and a general peace instead of chaos in my life.
I'm working on that. In theory, it sounds great. In practice... well, I need more practice :-)
In the meantime, I enjoy the pictures from my weekend I call controlled chaos.
Hope you had a Happy Halloween!
Saturday, I was at a speech and debate tournament - these events always sap my energy. Sunday, we went to church and then went to a trunk-or-treat that afternoon. All that means, my housework that I usually get done on the weekend, well, a lot of it didn't get done. THEN on Halloween - Monday night after working all day - we went trick-or-treating at a friend's house.
Just typing all that made me tired!
I should have cut back on something somewhere in that weekend. Probably shouldn't have went trunk-or-treating on Sunday or trick-or-treating on Monday.
I'm learning about balance and how to achieve it in my life - it's that current weight loss bible study that I'm doing. (FYI - I've lost 20 pounds since I've started Weight Watchers and that bible study) Anyway, what I've learned is that even good things sometimes have to be cut out to maintain sanity and a general peace instead of chaos in my life.
I'm working on that. In theory, it sounds great. In practice... well, I need more practice :-)
In the meantime, I enjoy the pictures from my weekend I call controlled chaos.
Hope you had a Happy Halloween!
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| my beautiful butterfly |
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| sassy Cinderella |
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| She looks as tired as I felt at that moment! |
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