Last night, I watched an episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition with Chris Powell.
Side note: I really love this show. So inspirational. Tuesday nights on ABC. Check it out. You won't be disappointed!
The episode I viewed covered the life of Ashley - a baby loss momma who gained a lot of weight after losing her daughter Ava at 5 months. Ava lived for two hours and was gone...
It was heartbreaking. You can see her story below. If you fast forward to about 26 minutes, you can see where she talks to Chris more about her loss and how she had never really dealt with it. They do a beautiful balloon release too...
In that clip at 26 minutes, she talks about how she feels as if she "downplayed" Ava's life. She never really talked about her after losing her. They didn't have a funeral. She says she felt like Ava was a person, but that by not acknowledging her she had "taken that away" from her daughter. She was here. She existed.
At that moment, I was so very thankful for this blog. For this memorial to my girl. For my memorial and candle I keep on my dresser. For the things I have done in her name - attending a remembrance event, donating flowers in her name, and running a 5k.
And at that moment - as my husband sat beside me watching this - he took my hand. He acknowledged my grief - our grief - our girl.
And in the car today, on the way home from church, I had this conversation with Beth (who knows all about Angel because I had to explain the candle and memorial in my room to her):
Beth: Mommy. A friend at church today was very sad because she lost her baby sister.
Me: (knowing who she was referring to) Yes. Her sister died some time ago. She was about Hannah's age. It must be either the anniversary of when she died or her birthday...
Beth: Mommy. She lost her sister like you lost your baby.
Me: Well, Mommy's baby hadn't yet left my stomach, but yes, dear. That was Angel.
Beth: Yeah... she was your first.
Me: No. You were my first. She was my second. Hannah is my third baby.
Beth: (reaching over to give Hannah a kiss) I love you!
And there I sat, so happy to have said her name. Angel. So happy that Beth knows about her.
I was so happy to have said her name.
She was a part of our family. She IS a part of our family.
And I can't wait to run in her honor again at the end of September to usher in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Today's forget-me-not: You, Angel. Always you!
The Mayor's Challenge
Yes, I have run yet another 5k. And yes, I still love it! ;-)
This race was a night race, but that's not what made it special. It was special because two of my girlfriends that I inspired to start running ran it with me. It was each her first 5k! And I got to share the experience with them!
My friend Jaimee - on the right in the pic above - was totally in the spirit of racing. She gave us each racing names! Silly - but it was sooo fun!!! Here was my Facebook post that I wrote when we arrived at the race:
This race was a night race, but that's not what made it special. It was special because two of my girlfriends that I inspired to start running ran it with me. It was each her first 5k! And I got to share the experience with them!
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| Me and my chicas before the race! |
White lightning (me) reporting. I'm with purple flash (Jaimee) and chocolate thunder (Nicole - on left in pic) we have just arrived at our 5k destination. Getting ready to register.
More updates forthcoming. Out.
I hadn't laughed like that with girlfriends in a long, long time! It was a great night!!
The race was challenging - lots of literal ups and downs - but we all did great! Jaimee didn't finish last - not even close to it. That was her biggest fear. And my friend Nicole ROCKED IT! She came in not even a minute after I did! Talk about motivation to try to increase my 5k time. I got competition ya'll! And I'm the one that's been running for almost a year! geez!! ;-)
My time was 33:48. Not bad, but I can do better. And I think these chicas have inspired me to try harder when it comes to that.
We had fun, and I can't wait to do it again soon!
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| After the race. |
Today's forget-me-not: Run with friends. Friends make everything better!
Update: It's all good...
Things are good.
My job is good. It's quiet out in my new mobile classroom. I like quiet. :-) My students rock, and I'm rocking as their teacher. In addition to all this rockin, I don't have any extracurricular responsibilities which means I'm unusually peaceful when I walk into work. Oh, I've agreed to help people with a variety of things, but I'm not in charge of those things. And the "help" I've offered, it is a minimal amount of work, so I have time to teach, to think about teaching, and to grade stuff while at school. I am a Happy Camper! I made the best decision ever when I decided to step away from speech and debate this year. Things are good on the work front.
Things are okay at church. It's amazing how much less stress you have when you trust God to change people and not see it as your responsibility to do so. It's also freeing. It's also so obvious - duh Jamie!
Beth is doing well. It's crazy how fast she is growing up. I was looking at buying her a bible to start taking to and from church, and inside one I picked up, it had a list of first grade bible skills. As I read down the list - things that included knowing the books of the bible and how to find a scripture reference in the bible - it got me thinking about how many skills she will begin to master in this her first grade year. Like reading! It just blows my mind!! My big girl is getting bigger!!!
Hannah's next year is sure to bring big changes too. Her vocabulary and sentence structure is improving daily. She is so close to learning how to REALLY use the potty. This time next year, she'll be three! A year away from preschool!!! What?! Slow down life!
All in all, I can't complain. I have much to be thankful for! My hubby and I are healthy, happy, and blessed.
Today's forget-me-not: Optimism plus thankfulness plus trusting in God = Peace.
My job is good. It's quiet out in my new mobile classroom. I like quiet. :-) My students rock, and I'm rocking as their teacher. In addition to all this rockin, I don't have any extracurricular responsibilities which means I'm unusually peaceful when I walk into work. Oh, I've agreed to help people with a variety of things, but I'm not in charge of those things. And the "help" I've offered, it is a minimal amount of work, so I have time to teach, to think about teaching, and to grade stuff while at school. I am a Happy Camper! I made the best decision ever when I decided to step away from speech and debate this year. Things are good on the work front.
Things are okay at church. It's amazing how much less stress you have when you trust God to change people and not see it as your responsibility to do so. It's also freeing. It's also so obvious - duh Jamie!
Beth is doing well. It's crazy how fast she is growing up. I was looking at buying her a bible to start taking to and from church, and inside one I picked up, it had a list of first grade bible skills. As I read down the list - things that included knowing the books of the bible and how to find a scripture reference in the bible - it got me thinking about how many skills she will begin to master in this her first grade year. Like reading! It just blows my mind!! My big girl is getting bigger!!!
Hannah's next year is sure to bring big changes too. Her vocabulary and sentence structure is improving daily. She is so close to learning how to REALLY use the potty. This time next year, she'll be three! A year away from preschool!!! What?! Slow down life!
All in all, I can't complain. I have much to be thankful for! My hubby and I are healthy, happy, and blessed.
Today's forget-me-not: Optimism plus thankfulness plus trusting in God = Peace.
August 5th
Today, Angel turns three - without her momma.
It has been three years since that awful day I learned Angel was gone. That day I learned our second baby would never be coming home with us.
August 5, 2010.
I hate August 5th. It's a day where the emotions of losing Angel come flooding back, and it's a day when the realization of what is missing from my life puts this dull ache in my heart that just doesn't seem to go away.
I never got to know her. What would it be like to have a three year old here, right now? What would she look like? Who would she be?
I miss her.
Today, I remember Angel. And today, I remember my friend Mary's lost princess, Taylor - who was lost one year ago on this day.
I hate August 5th.
We miss you little ones!
Today's forget-me-nots: Angel and Taylor
It has been three years since that awful day I learned Angel was gone. That day I learned our second baby would never be coming home with us.
August 5, 2010.
I hate August 5th. It's a day where the emotions of losing Angel come flooding back, and it's a day when the realization of what is missing from my life puts this dull ache in my heart that just doesn't seem to go away.
I never got to know her. What would it be like to have a three year old here, right now? What would she look like? Who would she be?
I miss her.
Today, I remember Angel. And today, I remember my friend Mary's lost princess, Taylor - who was lost one year ago on this day.
I hate August 5th.
We miss you little ones!
Today's forget-me-nots: Angel and Taylor
Resolutions Review - August
In 2013...
1. Lean on Him
2. Stay Healthy
3. Live, Love, and Laugh Often
At this point, I've been successfully reviewing my new year's resolutions now at the top of each month for eight months. That's pretty darn good - if I do say so myself. However, I'm now thinking these new year's resolutions were too vague. I don't know. I guess it's because they are things that will always need to be worked on? There's no definitive moment where I can say, "Check! I did it! Now let's move on to the next task..."
Anyway, help me to remember to make more specific, accomplishable goals for 2014 when that time comes. Okay? Thanks! :-)
1. Lean on Him - I had a rough patch this past month. I got into it with a fellow sister-in-Christ. Things were said via e-mail. We eventually patched everything up; however, I realized that I have a bit of a temper. Yes, me. In my old age - had a birthday in July and turned 36 ;-) - I have found I speak my mind a whole lot more. Now, this isn't a bad quality to have, but the bible is pretty clear that there are times when you shouldn't speak your mind. One of those times is when you are angry. Anyway, this has really brought me back to scripture lately. This is a good thing that has come from this bad, yes? I'm trying to have that quiet time in the morning with God more AND with him throughout my day. Trying to lean on Him more. Things go so much better when this happens.
2. Stay Healthy - Doing well here. I'm back to work, and that actually helps me stay healthy! I only eat what I bring to work as opposed to everything that's in my kitchen and snacking 24/7 over the summer. Another one of the MANY reasons that I would be a horrible stay-at-home mom! LOL
3. Live, Love, and Laugh Often - I had a good summer with the girls. It went by too fast! I think I always say that though. Anyway, when it comes to fostering life, love, and laughter, I made a good decision this past month. I decided to take a break from potty training Hannah.
Yes, you read that right. Just when I thought she had clicked with the potty training, it appeared she had not. She just wasn't listening to her body and understanding when she had to go BEFORE she went. As a result, I was getting peed on a lot... for many... many... days... BOO! It was stressing me out - which you know if you've read my previous posts - so the potty queen and I decided to take a 30 days break. We'll hit it again later. Hopefully - with the help of a daycare routine and not my crazy willy nilly summer schedule - she'll get it this second time around. I'll keep you posted :-)
Today's forget-me-not: Be a creature of routine. It helps.
Yes, you read that right. Just when I thought she had clicked with the potty training, it appeared she had not. She just wasn't listening to her body and understanding when she had to go BEFORE she went. As a result, I was getting peed on a lot... for many... many... days... BOO! It was stressing me out - which you know if you've read my previous posts - so the potty queen and I decided to take a 30 days break. We'll hit it again later. Hopefully - with the help of a daycare routine and not my crazy willy nilly summer schedule - she'll get it this second time around. I'll keep you posted :-)
Today's forget-me-not: Be a creature of routine. It helps.
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